SERIOUSLY. This is what the crap Hollywood still puts out?

Load of rubbish!!

Crappy film

There's a more than satisfactory amount of boom-boom in the movie's trim running time.

I don't know what fills me with despair more - the fact that Danny Dyer keeps making " movies", or the fact that I keep watching them.Anyway in this one Danny plays Danny Dyer pretending to be a hit-man ( zzzz) who falls in love with...I've lost the will to go on and this is just the synopsis on the DVD box.Anyway Danny is in this, along with that Kemp from eastenders . and his brother ( no, not Steve Mcfadden the other one). Danny spends much of the movie riding about pointlessly on a motorbike. Well I suppose the running time has to be padded out somehow.There is little action and no suspense. After a dull action scene in which Dyer wanders about without taking his crash helmet off ( like a less animated version of the Stig with a lisp), he receives a summons to meet gangland heavies martin kemp and his brother ( not Phil Mitchell). After a cheeky nandos and some top bantz wiv da lads, Dyer gets the info on his next execution..and from there things begin to get interesting . ( if by interesting you mean predictable, boring and idiotic).As usual Dyer looks bored and vaguely resentful, martin Kemp looks grateful to be earning enough to pay for hair dye, and everyone else seems to be auditioning to be an extra in The Walking Dead.There is nothing that resembles a plot or a denouement.Insert your own joke about Danny Dyer and "helmet". I can't be bothered.

I'm not an actor, but I can probably do what Danny does to try and seem brooding and sinister. Basically get drunk the night before, stay up all night and don't take any pain killers the morning of the shoot... viola, Danny acting tough. The plot may as well be Swiss cheese it's so full of holes and takes every cliché from every gangster movie you can think of and makes it laughable, but not in an amusing way. Basically a hit-man working for two Kray Twin wannabe's falls for the daughter of a man he's just assassinated, *?*. They want her dead too but Jamie?? (yes a hit-man called Jamie) tries to make out she's dead so the twins will forget about her *yawn*. Unfortunately girl has only a single brain cell which she doses with drugs and so goes out of her way to stay in plain sight so the baddies can get to her, giving Danny a reason to kill them *meh*. I did pretty well and watched over an hour of the flipping thing before I couldn't stand it any more, turned it off and tried to find something more interesting to do. Fortunately there was some wet paint nearby so I watched that for an hour instead...

I've enjoyed other movies with Danny Dyer as the lead, but Assassin is different.Whilst the story had potential, it became both predictable, and laughable. Irritatingly, the audio mix became too heavy on the background music, to the point where speech couldn't be understood. This wasn't helped by Danny's predilection to mumble his words. The primary two female characters in the story were acting without any real or believable emotions. It's as if they were reading the script out loud for the first time.Laughably, the continuity was beyond belief with regards to Danny's Motorbike helmet, which switched from black to silver throughout the movie, and even within single riding sequences. Maybe the movie budget couldn't stretch to buy two black helmets if one was damaged during the filming.Then there's an unbelievable sequence where two thugs attempt to break-into Danny's hide-out. After Danny kills the thug who inexplicably appeared to be able to get upstairs in the small house, Danny then fires 10 shots into the other thug, at almost point blank range as he runs out of the hallway unaffected by being hit by 10 bullets.When Danny confronts Gary Kemp, Garry shoots, grazing Danny's leg, yet the large pane of glass behind Danny is unaffected.The ending is truly yawn inducing. This has to be one of the worst films I have endured.

After years of using IMDb, this will be my first review, and I'm gonna keep it short. I only wanted to review this because of the misleading 7.1 rating it somehow has, I honestly don't know how that's possible. This has to be in my top 5 of worst movies I've ever seen. I'm a big fan of Danny Dyer, but I'm sorry Danny, you were dyer. The acting was terrible from the whole cast, poorly written dialogue and totally predictable. There wasn't one moment in the film I thought was good, avoid wasting an hour and twenty minutes of your life and instead, go clean the kitchen, it will be much more enjoyable and rewarding when you finish.