This is How Movies Should Be Made

I saw this movie before reading any reviews, and I thought it was very funny. I was very surprised to see the overwhelmingly negative reviews this film received from critics.

This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

It is interesting even when nothing much happens, which is for most of its 3-hour running time. Read full review

This movie changed my life. To anybody struggling to come to terms with our place in the universe, or anybody who finds themselves wondering about the point of our existence, I would recommend to you Curse Of Pirate Death. This movies liberal use of breasts and black metal, combined with its moving plot and gripping character development will change how you view the world of movies, and the world in general. Not only is the story original, moving and full of subtext, but it is also thrilling and will have you spooked right out of your seat throughout. Mitch Toles delivers a stunning performance as Pirate Death, one which I would consider Oscar worthy, viewers will find themselves screaming in terror at the bloody murder scenes one minute, and laughing at his puns the next. The empowerment of women is an important theme in this movie, as many of the female characters will show their breasts with provocation and none of the male characters bat an eyelid, which just goes to show how forward thinking the writers were when approaching this topic. The powerful and socially conscious messages of the movie mean that anyone who sticks around for the whole thing will leave feeling enriched, and it also makes the film not just suitable for children, but a necessary watch for any child that needs to be molded into a healthy member of society. 10/10 will view again, many times.

I got this film with an Amazon 50 movie pack, the Mortuary of Madness. it's something about how these pirates deposited a treasure along a river bank a long time ago and their ghosts (?) still defend it from overly-inquisitive locals. The movie looks like it was filmed on the bank of some small stream - I guess the location was cheap enough, huh? The characters battle it out with what look to be homemade pirate "weapons" and whatever pirate-looking clothes they could scrounge up at their neighborhood Goodwill store. There is some nudity, especially one silicon-enhanced pirate woman who will use any excuse imaginable to bare her breasts for all to admire; she does so frequently. What I find most confusing of all is that IMDb says the movie had an estimated budget of $500,000! So after they spent the $35 on pirate clothes, a few thou on Ron Jeremy's salary, and another $8K for the bolt-on titties, where did the remaining money go, I wonder???

Okay, so I know I am listed as the writer and even got the story credit...luckily, I know that is not true. The movie you have seen (and I am sorry) was NOT MY SCRIPT! Some of the character names were in my version, but this is not mine. This was not my story idea.Dave, if your reading this, I'm sorry to be trashing it. But you know how I feel about this one.If you wanna check out a Sterling Gore Fest, check out Gothic VAMPIRES FROM HELL or ATTITUDE FOR DESTRUCTION. Or even THE CURSE OF LIZZIE BORDEN 2.I know, shameless plug over! ***Can I get an Alan Smithee for this one?***

I have seen a lot of bad movies but this one is unbelievably bad. I wonder if this was made by mentally challenged people because no same person would do such a thing (it is impossible for me to call this a movie), and on top of that release it for the world to see it. And those "actors"...oh, man, those "actors"... are they so desperate to get in a movie? This thing shouldn't even be on IMDb... it should be at most on cartoon network bloopers or something. Anyway i'm just going to keep writing some about this thing since i have to post like 10 lines. How high do you have to get to be able to commit such crime against the human intelligence? Retarded movie!!! Don't waste time of your life with this!!!I am begging you! Please let us vote with 0 too