Not even bad in a good way

A Major Disappointment

Watch something else. There are very few redeeming qualities to this film.

Blistering performances.

While you basically know what you will get with a Dolph Lundgren movie, this particular 2007 movie was as pointless as it was boring. And it wasn't particularly action-filled either.The story is about Ronson (played by Dolph Lundgren) who is ridden with a growing debt in remote Mongolia. Facing imprisonment, Ronson comes into lucrative chance to earn money by helping an art collector from New York to collect an ancient Mongolian artifact. But the path to riches is filled with peril.Althrough the entire movie there was an overshadowing sensation of no one involved with the movie were really buying into the storyline or the movie itself. And that dragged the movie down badly. Even Dolph Lundgren seemed to be running on autopilot.I didn't really understand the title of the movie as it made no sense to anything that was taking place throughout the course of the movie.The few action sequences that were in the movie, though, were well enough executed. And that, at least, does count for something."Diamond Dogs" is a less than mediocre action movie that offers absolutely nothing interesting to the viewers.

Xander Ronson (Dolph)is an American ex-Green Beret laying low in Inner Mongolia, of all places. He's deeply in debt, and fights in...wait for it...illegal underground Punchfighting matches to make ends meet. Brought before a judge, it is determined he must finally pay all his debts or go to prison. Luckily - or perhaps not - this is just when snobbish jerkbag Chambers (Shriver) offers Ronson a lucrative job. He hires him to act as security as he travels with his team to go deep into uncharted territory to find something called the Tangka - a Buddhist tapestry said to be cursed. With few options at hand, Ronson reluctantly accepts. The beautiful Anika (Yu) is the stepdaughter to chambers, and following her is likely what truly entices Ronson. In addition to trying to get the Tangka and all the pitfalls they encounter along the way, another team of baddies is chasing them, and these guys will stop at nothing to get it. Who will end up with this sacred artifact? (Meaning the Tangka, not a DVD of Diamond Dogs).At the outset when we see Dolph somewhat down on his luck, and Punchfighting in another land, it immediately brings to mind Sweepers (1998), where similar things go on. Dolph, with his shaved head, looks especially grizzled here, and that's to his credit - he does a nice acting job, and with little flash. There's plenty of violence on show, leading the viewer to conclude this is a worthy Dolph adventure story, more or less.While this "Saturday afternoon adventure" falls somewhere between big-budget opuses like the Indiana Jones series and Direct-To-Video items like Skeleton Coast (1988) or Laser Mission (1989), it's reasonably well-made and has some impressive locations. It should also be noted that there's a reference to the Stallone classic Over the Top hidden in the movie somewhere. See if you can find it.Shriver, in his first credited movie role, plays the obnoxious, hate-able baddie whose hairstyle isn't just a ponytail - that wouldn't be irritating enough - it's actually some sort of ponytail bun, also does a noteworthy acting job, assuming his personality isn't really like that in real life. Ronson shows amazing patience with him - this movie would get five stars if after the thousandth snide, catty remark Chambers makes, Dolph just punches through his face, but alas, it's not to be. In a big budget version, we felt Kevin Spacey could have played Chambers.Although the film is called Diamond Dogs, neither diamonds, dogs, nor David Bowie are anywhere in sight. Interestingly, it can be surmised that the writers of the film are glam rock fans, judging by the title and the choice to name Dolph's character Ronson, presumably after Mick Ronson, who among other career achievements played with David Bowie. And seeing as there were supposedly production problems on this film, and a presumed sequel got axed, Bowie can never make a cameo in the future.Despite pockets of dullness that spring up throughout the film, Diamond Dogs is a decent Dolph outing. It won't blow your socks away, but for a later Dolph it's a good one-time watch.For more insanity, please drop by to: comeuppancereviews.com

diamond dogs is not a rubbish movie it isn't, its just a big step down from dolph's other work of late, it seems like it's not as good as it supposed to be and at times the low budget shows, as a direct to DVD movie its OK stuff and dolph lundgren kicks ass at times, but there was just something about diamond dogs that i found cheesy maybe the movie would of been much better with a bigger budget, but as it stands now it just seems like it wasen't the movie it was supposed to be but what they could do with what they had, there are many worse action movies out there and there are many dolph films that are worse than this but there are also much better ones too, now if you want a solid dolph lundgren action pic watch the mechanik, missionary man, joshua tree, blackjack, silent trigger

A low budget, badly acted film............ everything about this film is poorly staged, wooden acting by C list actors and unbelievable settings, I'm still watching this as I write........... OMG so awful.What more can I say, the scenes do not fit together....The 'escape' scenes well, simply not believable.Best line ... He's dead (immediately pull sheet over head LOL)I'm still cringing as I write this, if second graders presented this as a home movie I would expect better acting (and sets :) )Please, let me write this comment without having to make up ten lines about a film that doesn't even deserve one!!!!!Even if you are desperate to watch a film, don't bother with this - paint a wall and watch it dry or sit in the garden and watch grass grow, so much more entertaining :))