SERIOUSLY. This is what the crap Hollywood still puts out?

A film with more than the usual spoiler issues. Talking about it in any detail feels akin to handing you a gift-wrapped present and saying, "I hope you like it -- It's a thriller about a diabolical secret experiment."

I think this is a new genre that they're all sort of working their way through it and haven't got all the kinks worked out yet but it's a genre that works for me.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

There are films that are so bad that they are stupid good. You can't believe it was made and yet, there it is right in front of you. The makers of Dracula (Dirty Old Man) must have said screw it, we don't give a damn after things went wrong, mainly the audio. What they did was dub over the bad part and went totally off world with the dialogue. Dracula Alucard has a Jewish accent or what the person doing the voice over decided to give him. Most of the over dub appears to take place in the cave scenes. There is a woman who is doing the voice overs as well and it seems as if she is doing all the females voice over. She's funny when you see one of the naked chicks rubbing her wrist as the ropes are removed and she replies, "He stole my watch". You have to listen close to what she is saying as with all of the dialogue to catch the stupidity. It seems like they never took themselves too seriously after they messed up the audio. It reminds you of that old cinema parody show, Mystery Science Theater 3000, before there was a Mystery Science Theater. And there is a chase scene towards the end of the film where Dracula and the "Wolfman" is chasing a naked woman around in the cave and they just blatantly rips off the theme from the old TV show, Batman. This is a college frat boy blunt smoking dream. You've got naked chicks, unbelievably bad dialogue, the Wolfman going down on a chick, naked girls tied up and a guy with a chest so hairy it looks like he's wearing the back hair of Seth Rogen 20 times over.

*** SPOILER ALERT *** There's a special place in my heart for movies that try to be more than they should really be, and this is one of those movies. It almost makes me wish it was still possible to make this type of movie, but unfortunately the easy access to digital cameras, posting on the Internet, and digital downloading have made the panache of these films irrelevant. In other words, anybody can make this movie in a couple of weekends with some willing girlfriends and turn out something with better sound and special effects, and that cheapens the appreciation of these old-school nudie cuties.Nonetheless, this movie should be taken for what it is - a low-budget sex-comedy that sought to become famous by shocking the Midwest moral sensibilities of its intended audience (which would be men). How this escaped becoming a drive-in staple is beyond me. "Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS" is more shocking, "Halloween" is more scary, and "Bloodsucking Freaks" is more campy. Still, this movie does have some redeeming traits. For one thing, it has a decent plot concept. Second, the women are full-nude. Third, well, the women are full-nude. That counts for a lot in this genre.The general premise is that Dracula has found his new home in a cave, like any bat would. Considering that this film was made thirty years after Lon Chaney donned a cape, the special effects aren't any better (if anything, they're worse). But that adds to the charm. Its as if the producer is saying, "Look, I had to communicate a plot device to you, and I couldn't do what I wanted so I did what I could. OK?" So don't be hating too much on cloddy special effects. Just suspend your disbelief a bit more.Like all vampires before him, this one needs a helper, so he tricks a reporter into coming into the Bat Cave, where Dracula changes him into a werewolf-jackal thing, which looks a lot like a bad wolf costume in a decent (for the 70's) leisure suit. In order to be cured of the jackal-ness, the reporter must fetch the vampire fresh, young women so that he can drink their blood. The women he fetches are attractive by 70's standards and surprisingly don't have tan lines, which leads to me wonder about the casting director's methods because obviously they were cast for their bodies and not their acting credits. In total, there are six women - blonds, brunettes, and a redhead. The redhead is by far the most attractive and gets the most screen time and acting opportunities. Three of the women are bound crux-style in the cave, to be used for feeding. Instead of biting their necks, he bites their breasts, so they're kept nude during the entire film (always a plus in a film like this). A hot brunette is molested by Jackalmann in a soft-porn sequence, then killed (a shame, really). Lastly, the hot redhead (the reporter's girlfriend before he became Jackalmann) is taken into the cave where Dracula attempts to rape her. Jackalmann tries to fight him off, but is defeated. During the scuffle, the hot redhead attempts to escape but gets lost. She's recaptured and Dracula tries again to rape her. Instead, Jackalmann intervenes again. By now the sun is starting to come up and Dracula must return to his coffin. But it is too late. He burns up in the rays of the sun, the captive women fade away into nothingness, Jackalmann returns to being just a reporter, and the redhead wakes up naked in the cave with her reporter boyfriend just as confused as she is. She gets dressed, but not for long, for obviously they had gone into the cave to have sex, had a bad trip on something, and never consummated their love-making. So, they get to it! Any movie that has that as the epilogue must be alright in my book.My advice - don't watch this movie with the sound on. You don't need it. Sound never worked at drive-ins anyway. You can follow the plot just fine by looking at the screen in-between kisses with Marybeth Rottencrotch and fumbling with her bra strap clasp through her sweater. Don't watch it because you expect high-quality filmmaking. Watch it because you expect low-quality entertainment that's high on nudity and short on plot.

The first 20 or so minutes of this film are really hilarious. REALLY funny. The dialogue and overdubbing are so beautiful. This is the best example of bad dubbing I have ever seen. Who knows, maybe they were doing it on purpose. Either way, the words they chose to use as the script are almost like they didn't know the original story and were making it up as it went along. Telling jokes the whole time and making funny comments about everything that you wouldn't normally hear a character in a movie say. They cut on each other and talk about how they have to go to the bathroom and juvenile things like that. I doubt it translated much at all from the original.After the funny parts at the beginning (like the opening monologue about the blue mountains), the movie goes downhill and becomes monotonous. It's like soft core. But it's sort of rude! Dracula gets these women naked and then insults them because they have small breasts or are too heavy or something. Usually you have a naked woman on the screen and everyone is excited. But Dracula is very snooty and picky! It's sort of funny, but also sort of mean. Especially since I don't think he was supposed to say those things originally.A funny movie because of the new script. The best parts are at the beginning. The wolf man is very well done. Dracula is kind of sexy. The naked woman are too much for me. Funny then porny.

I have seen a lot of "sexy shockers", but this one is definitely the top of the line (for a pretty low line). Using a badly dubbed fake jewish accent (no wonder Dracula was afraid of the cross--he's a Jew!), and special effects that are entirely quick cuts, he turns a playboy newspaper reporter into "Wolf Man"--and what a wolf he is! He kidnaps sweet, mostly young things for his "master" and what dracula doesn't molest, "Wolf Man" rapes himself(girls are nude, guys mostly keep their clothes on)! For 1969, the girls in this movie appear to be in pretty good shape and most of it appears to be natural. This movie is a "must own" for fans of this genre!