Good concept, poorly executed.

Film Perfection

Better Late Then Never

Great movie! If you want to be entertained and have a few good laughs, see this movie. The music is also very good,

I've seen GALAXINA referred to as a "cult favorite" to which my response is, "For whom?" There are endless better descriptions of this sci-fi/"comedy" from writer/director William Sachs. Here is a short selection from which to choose: crap, rubbish, garbage, the cinematic equivalent to that murky water that pools under dumpsters, and an excruciating waste of time for all parties involved. I've seen it twice in my life (and likely never again) and I've never been able to stomach it in one sitting. It follows the crew of the space police patrol ship Infinity in the year 3008. The crew consists of Captain Cornelius Butt (Avery Schreiber), his second in command Sergeant Thor (Stephen Macht), the ship's pilot Buzz (J.D. Hinton), the engineers Maurice (Lionel Mark Smith) and Sam Wo (Tad Horino), and the ship's service droid Galaxina (Dorothy Stratten). I guess the movie is about the love developing between the lecherous Thor and poor Galaxina but we're also forced to suffer through an inane B-plot where the crew is sent twenty-seven years into deep space to the former penal colony on Altar 1 to recover something called the "blue star" which gives its user the power to conquer the universe. An alien named Ordic (Ronald Knight) also has sights on the blue star and so the race is on to see who can find it first. There's a good chance none of this matters though because the movie is so mercilessly not funny that you'll be struggling to care."You know, kid, you got a bad habit. You breathe." – Captain ButtIf the fact that the captain is named Butt (and you're meant to laugh at it) wasn't enough of a warning, the sense of dread should wash over you around the time Butt starts dropping such golden lines as the one above. But to even get to the point where you're forced to suffer through the dialogue, you have to sit through almost ten minutes of shots of the Infinity traveling through space, an opening text scrawl, and the opening credits. Once we finally get to the characters, you're immediately hit with guffaw-worthy gags like the alien opera on TV broadcasting "live from Uranus" and Butt hitting his crew with zingers like, "If a jack*** had both your brains, he'd be a dumb jack***." Classic. There's also a rock-eating alien in the ship's brig for Butt to torment that's supposed to be funny because it uses foul language and eats rocks. This rock-eater (and that's as close as we get to a name for it) looks like a costume you'd see in the background of the Mos Eisely scene in STAR WARS, except STAR WARS would've been smart enough not to give the character any lines because then it just looks stupid with it's flapping puppet mouth. Speaking of STAR WARS, you'll see it's influence all over this fecal pile; same with STAR TREK and ALIEN. It's just a constant reminder that you could be watching better movies.Let's ignore the fact that 100% of the film's jokes fall flat and that nothing of importance happens until somewhere around the movie's halfway point (or arguably ever). What about the characters themselves? Anyone relatable or semi-interesting? You can probably already guess the answer to that. I'm pretty sure I can skip Captain Butt here. Thor is our "hero" and the inevitable love interest for Galaxina. Our first glimpse into their budding love is when he attempts to grope under her skirt at dinner and gets an electric shock for his effort. He later tries to force himself on her in private (and gets electrocuted again) before getting his rocks off (you'll hear the pun a lot thanks to the rock eater) at an intergalactic brothel. Oh, and it's while spying on Thor in the brothel that Galaxina first shows signs of affection for him. So, analyze that. So Thor's a horrible human being. How do the rest fare? One-dimensionally. No one else gets more than a character trait or two to define them. Buzz is a good ol' boy. Maurice is some sort of man-bat with pointed ears and tiny useless wings on his shoulders, and Sam is a wizened old Asian man who's constantly stoned and speaks in fortune cookies. Then there's the fact that the movie sees women as nothing more than sex objects while the only two non-white characters are treated like lesser crewman (Maurice and Sam are the only characters absent from the dinner scene).GALAXINA earns minor points for surprisingly effective production design and cinematography. The miniatures used in the space sequences are believable for a few minutes before they just aren't. This movie looks a lot better than it has any right to but it's not enough to save it. There's nothing more painful to watch than comedy that utterly fails to be funny, and GALAXINA reminds me a lot of another garbage sci- fi/"comedy" from the '80s: MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE. I despised that movie too. GALAXINA might be a different type of bad from MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE, but it's definitely as bad.

Regarding my thoughts on "Galaxina", I can only concur with what my good pal BA_Harrison wrote. That poor, poor Dorothy Stratten! She became a lust object and Playmate of the Year at the tender age of 19, but what did she have to show for it? Two lousy movies and an affair with a sleazy director 20 years older than herself! Only one sole and turbulent year of success, between August 1979 and August 1980, tragically cost her life since she was barbarically murdered by her former husband/manager Paul Snider. This pathetic and otherwise completely forgettable little flick exploits her luscious female curves and cleverly camouflages her limited acting skills, since Stratten stars as a cyborg in a tight golden latex outfit. The film itself is a dire and non-humorous spoof of Sci-Fi milestones such as "Star Trek", "Alien", "2001: A Space Odyssey" and primarily of course "Star Wars". Writer/director William Sachs previously made "The Incredible Melting Man", which was supposed to be dead serious and petrifying but provoked hysterical laughter instead. With "Galaxina" he actually tries to be funny, but fails miserably. The plot is inexistent, the dialogs are dull and the gags are embarrassingly inept (and badly timed atop). Avery Schreiber does what he can to provide the film with a light-headed and cheerful atmosphere, but the script is just hopeless. "Galaxina" got released around the same time as Stratten's murder, and undoubtedly would have been long forgotten if she hadn't passed away. Imagine her poor parents' grief!

Everything can be done right, even if the resources needed are not always available. I also can understand that not everything works out as planned but this seems like a stretch. There is potential here but there just isn't enough effort to really call it even a movie. It tries its hardest to be a parody but that can't even be performed thoroughly either. So what's the problem? Practically everything, I only found one thing that was KIND OF funny.To get right to the point, the main reason why anyone would want to go see this movie is because it focuses on a character portrayed by a playboy model. That is it. Unless there are hardcore fans of the other unknown actors, there's a good chance there is no other reason. Here's where the main problem is - the writing. William Sachs, who wrote and directed this film, displays that his ability to produce a quality story has a low probability. There is no story here. It is not until a third of the way into the movie will the audience actually here about some kind of an objective; which felt like an eternity.The story (if that's what one would call it) is about a goofy space police crew who travel through space on a real dumb journey. In charge of the crew are Sgt. Thor (Stephen Macht) and Captain Cornelius Butt (Avery Schreiber), probably some of the worst character names ever made. And along with them is their, I guess pilot, Galaxina played by Dorothy Stratten. Weird thing is, the actual name "Galaxina" is a brand. Apparently every police squad is issued one. Hmmm...so doesn't that defeat the purpose of basing this movie off the main character? I thought the name was to represent a specific individual, not a company.Anything else beyond this point is just cheap effects, bad sound engineering, impossible logic, stolen music and a slew of other lame characters. The cheap effects belong to the silly lazer fights between people or space ships. The bad sound engineering belong to things like screeching tires being used for space ships making U-turns. Come on really? There's too much that belongs to impossible logic because there's way too much to go over. Can you believe this film doesn't even have a designated composer? That's because none of the music is original! If you watch this movie, any of the music being played already belongs to some other famous movie. Lastly, the lamest character in this movie is the villain. Just downright insulting. He sounds like a James Earl Jones' understudy that didn't make the cut.Now I know this movie is a sci-fi parody of sorts but nothing works. The small amount of slapstick that is injected does not leave a good impression and the acting isn't memorable either. Just because there's an actor mocking Spock called Mr. Spot, doesn't make it clever. Also having a bunch of space bikers worship a god named "Harlee David Son" is being extremely unoriginal. Even stranger is that there is an actual actor who plays a convincing robot and to be honest, I would have preferred seeing that actor portray Galaxina than Dorothy Stratten, who barely made herself look like a robot at all. This movie should only be seen if you want to waste time.Not only is this movie an insult to the sci-fi genre but it also creates a bad reputation for the parody genre. This is not even enjoyable on the worst level possible. Don't waste your time.

I saw this film on a pack of 50 films of alien invasion movies. This one did not really fit the bill, but a lot of them do not. This one at least has aliens in it, one of them did not even have that. This one seemed to be a spoof of the "Airplane variety, but while there were a couple of funny moments most of the comedy just did not work thanks to poor delivery. This is not even the casts fault, it was just poor jokes, bad timing and bad pacing.The story in this one focuses on the spaceship Infinity, basically a space police cruiser. The story seems off too, as if this was supposed to be the pilot of a television show or something in the way it played out. I figure this cannot be the case as there is a good deal of language and a topless lady. The police of this vessel are sent off to a faraway place to retrieve a stone with untold power. The place seems to have an old west feel, then they have to tackle a random biker gang and this film just does not feel like a true motion picture.The cast is not bad. I thought the captain of the ship did a relatively good job as did everyone. The jokes just did not work for the most part. Some of them did, which is why I gave this film a four, but at times jokes went on way to long. As did some scenes as the whole dude on a row machine went on forever and there was really no joke. The female is cute which aside from the occasional chuckle is about the only thing worth watching in this one.This film looks okay, the cast is okay, but for the most part none of the jokes are okay. To many swings and misses here to count. Most of the jokes were not funny or went on to long as did many of the scenes which pretty much doomed this wannabe spoof of space films. It is rather easy to watch mainly because even though for the most part it is not funny, it still was over quick.