Such a frustrating disappointment
Intense, gripping, stylish and poignant
True to its essence, the characters remain on the same line and manage to entertain the viewer, each highlighting their own distinctive qualities or touches.
View MoreThere's a more than satisfactory amount of boom-boom in the movie's trim running time.
View More...this wretched mess from the mind of a faux-auteur (wrote, directed, and produced---wow, no one to blame but himself!) reportedly cost a million bucks, but one can only wonder where all the money went. Up various noses, no doubt. This is trash with a capital T, kiddies, and you best believe it if you don't want to slice an utterly wasted hour- and-a-half out of your life. This baby is a fast-forward special all the way, with little to redeem it beyond bimbos in their underwear and an unexpectedly hilarious camel-toe.Terrible acting from two vacuous models who should never be allowed near a script again in their lives, a horrendously bad script replete with turgid, pointless dialog and a plot that only a nerd on the cusp of pubescence could enjoy, pedestrian camera-work, and production values so low that you really, really have to wonder, once again, where the heck all that money went. Scout "The Runaways" Taylor-Compton narrowly avoids derailing her career with a mercifully brief cameo (and a laughably bad old-age reprise), while Charles "Cherry, Harry & Raquel" Napier puts a sad, sorry end to his lengthy B-movie career (one can only hope he never had to actually watch this pitiable thing). Patrick "Sandlot" Renna proves that being the chubby kid doesn't much lead to stardom, Justin "Little Miss Sunshine" Shilton takes a badly-directed paycheck, as do a terribly miscast Danny "Seinfeld" Woodburn and an even more egregiously-cast Angela "I shouldn't be allowed near a script, either" Lindvall. Oh, did I forget the names of the two leads? Given the quality of their performances, I'm not surprised. Look it up yourself; I was too bored by them to give them the satisfaction.Another strike against the video buyer of my local library system, this is a movie only an Ed Wood could be proud of, and I think even Ed might raise an eyebrow or two at this nonsense.I gave it a point for Charles Napier's sake, one for Patrick Renna's desperation, and one for the camel-toe out of left field. Definitely didn't see that one coming. If you're smart, you won't even bother looking.
View MoreA blonde model, Brooke, and her good-natured brunette English girlfriend, Rhea, are at a New Years party in 1969. When an arrogant actor at the party apparently abuses a young fan, Brooke kills him brutally. As the two girls escape in a car on a desert road, Brooke runs over a rat or some creature. Now both girls flip out. She stops the car and Rhea has a breakdown. A small sandstorm appears and wipes out Brooke leaving only her clothes behind. Out of the sandstorm walks a masculine looking woman. It's god. God has a mission for Rhea- to fight evil. As a result she will gain immortality. But Brooke will be her challenge, she doesn't have a good heart.40 years later they are resurrected at the same spot. A driver stops for a hitchhiker nearby and the two girls catch up. Brooke has an insatiable hunger for blood and devours the two much to the protests of Rhea. They escape in the car to a gas station where they try to hide from the rising sun. There, a poor attendant has to witness these two girls arguing. Brooke can't control her hunger and wants the attendant. Rhea wants to fulfill her mission since she is god's warrior. Somehow Brooke manages to kill Rhea. Other patrons show up, the police show up, but they are no match for Brooke. Until god reappears.Life Blood sure has an interesting premise- vampires as avenging angels for god. However in this movie we don't get to see a lot of that. It's just about the two girls. And Rhea's challenge of dealing with Brooke. The cops and the store patrons are a Hollywood-correct diverse bunch of very silly people.Despite the low budget, strange story, this movie is very watchable thanks to some nudity at the beginning, lots of making-out between the girls, and the excellent acting of the two leads. It could have been a disaster of a movie but the entire cast takes it seriously and they make it work. The script has some signs of intelligence. The arrogant actor gives an appropriate speech about society letting him get away with anything because he is a star, and he sure is going to test the limits of that submission by society. God also gives an interesting speech but it's as if a limited budget forced the filmmakers to go off course and tell a very limited story.
View MoreThe first half of this movie is a bit of a struggle to get through. It drags and the storyline is a pointless way to get to introduce the characters. Surely the writer could have figured out another way to introduce vampires... but I guess it is original.The second half of the movie is really cool and fun, it has a grindhouse feel to it. The director shows his skill at action scenes and Sophie Monk is incredible, displaying perfect delivery of dark humour, cool dialogue and menace - and sexy as hell shooting a gun. The old sexist sheriff and the fat Murder World clerk are hilarious! Overall, the story is pretty good, especially if you ignore the first half of the movie. Some poor editing makes some scenes a little confusing. The lesbian element to the story line is pointless, just titillation to get us to watch in the first place. And every time I saw 'God' I wanted to look away.Overall I give the movie a 6 (3 for the first half and a 9 for the second half).
View MoreAfter a party goes horribly wrong when model Brooke(Sophie Monk)stabs a Hollywood star, Warren(Justin Shilton)in the chest 87 times(!)with a hair pin when it appeared he was on the verge of sodomizing a fan of his(Scout-Taylor Compton in a cameo appearance), she and her lover, Rhea(the incredibly beautiful Anya Lahiri)are on the lam driving through the desert. God, in shape of a gorgeous woman(Angela Lindvall), gives Rhea eternal life and kills Brooke for her sins. Rhea begs God to return Brooke to her, and in doing so may've committed a mistake which will come back to haunt her. As vampires, with a thirst for blood, Rhea understands control while Brooke enjoys the powers and abilities equipped to her a little too much. Rhea is God's chosen while Brooke begins a murder spree, the two holing up in a service station as the sun comes up(sun does harm them). Dan(Patrick Renna), the station clerk, worries, obviously, for his life as Brooke preys on customers(and local police)who come across her path. When Brooke even attacks Rhea who has tried to talk sense into her about attacking innocent people instead of the evil men who walk the earth(as God intended), there seems to be no stopping her reign of terror. But, God is always present for Rhea and it's only a matter of time before Brooke finally goes too far..Barely any plot to speak of, with sexy Sophie Monk pretty much killing the entire cast..that is when she isn't bickering with Lahiri over controlling her violent urges, and desiring to kill anyone in her sight. More of an oddball vampire comedy. Not sure what the hell was up with the whole plot concerning God, but those moments where Lindval and Lahiri kiss didn't bother me in the least. Speaking of lesbian kissing, Monk and Lahiri share numerous smooches over the running time, but their differing feelings on the powers granted them(and how to use them)keeps them at odds with each other. I first saw Monk in THE HILLS RUN RED and she is a striking woman, I get weak at the knees when she appears on screen, and she seems like the perfect choice for a dangerous vamp. Monk seems to enjoy herself, and as a vampire she has an ability to be both alluring and threatening at the same time. Not quite as violent as I was expecting, Monk doesn't feed as much as you'd think, more or less using a variety of weapons to eliminate humans who anger her. I must admit that I was a little disappointed in LIFE BLOOD, expecting a more focused lesbian vampire film, but the plot is all over the place, an emphasis on comedy and weird developments(this is certainly a different method for producing vampires). Still, when you have such lovelies as Monk and Lahiri as the leads, the movie can't be all bad. With small actor Danny Woodburn as a deputy and Charles Napier as Sheriff Tillman, two of many who have the misfortune of crossing Monk during the film.
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