The Worst Film Ever

Good start, but then it gets ruined

From my favorite movies..

The film makes a home in your brain and the only cure is to see it again.

This one came on TV last month and when I finally sat down the watch the recording... god, all I could ask was: who the hell wrote this?We have a good idea for a film: Seagal is a mercenary and we'll throw in some twists, some bad people, some friction with the other merc's he works with, a hot blonde - oh no, she's a crappy fighter, let's kill her off! - some political stuff... let's just try to make it cover ALL the bases, get as many folks interested as we can while we work it into a thriller that's too intelligent for the average action fan to follow so we'll be hailed as clever.Is that confusing? Well, that's what this film is: a pile of turd. A rambling, thinks-it's-better-than-it-is, unfocused turd.Actually, the film is so unfocused that I had to wonder if there was a script at all! Surely, had there been, somebody would've raised the flag long, long before it went into production by asking, "WTF is going on?"If this holds your interest for more than 20 minutes, you're Seagal's biggest fan and deserve a Thank You card in the post. Luke Goss, on the other hand, has quickly become a name I associate with Bad Films. How the heck he manages to choose them, I have no clue.

"Mercenary for justice"- surely a candidate for oxymoron of the year -is the first Stephen Seagal movie I have seen since the excellent "The Foreigner" and I am disappointed to report that the dear boy has let his love for the folding green overcome his artistic sensibilities once more.What are you like,Steve? That is not actually a rhetorical question because what he is like is clearly Stephen Fry on steroids - physically rather than intellectually you understand.Now I am old and flabby,but my excuse is that I'm also poor and anonymous,I don't go to the gym(I wouldn't know what to do if I ever got there)and I don't have a personal trainer,a life coach or any other of those completely essential adjuncts to showbiz fame.Mr Seagal has no such cop outs.He is an "Action Movie" star,not a bleeding couch potato yet his spare tyre is bigger than the one on David Beckham's Hummer. But I still kind of like him,strange isn't it?An affection forged in the white heat of his masterpiece "Under Siege" still holds sway. Love is certainly strange,but "Mercenary for Justice is a step too far,even for so staunch an admirer. The first ten minutes made me laugh more than the whole of "The Bucket List".A blonde - haired lady with muscular thighs and some sort of circus costume jumps on and off lorries killing highly - armed soldiers before disappearing from our ken rather mysteriously.That bloke from Bros should have stuck to causing pre - pubescent girls to lose bladder control because there's more future in that for him than in acting. The movie is cut(I hesitate to use the word "edited") like the kind of video game you might find on a malfunctioning machine in the Amusement Arcade on Brighton Pier. And our hero?Needs to hang up his black combat pants at least until he can find a proper movie to work in.Perhaps "Under SIege 3",set in a Franciscan Monastery where the chief monk geezer is holed up in the bell tower with an Ingram and Britney Spears.No?Well stranger things have happened,and if it ever comes to pass remember you read it here first.

"Mercenary For Justice": a confused mixture of a bit of warfare in the "Black Hawk Down" vein, a bank robbery, a prison break and a mission to save an abducted mother and her little son. In between all the bullets flying around, you hardly get to know the characters, and thus you don't really care about any of them. I liked most of Seagal's recent movies such as "The Foreigner" or "Out For A Kill" (and many who watched those don't agree with me). However, "Mercenary of Justice" was the weakest among those I've watched. Seagal defeats bad guys without wasting any blood, sweat or tears. It's all coming too easy to be exciting. The two only good points were some camera work (many shots were hand-held, looks more realistic than nice crane moves) and beautiful Jacqueline Lord who bears a strong resemblance with Catherine Zeta-Jones and plays her role convincingly no matter if she is at a dinner party or a battle.

i have just seen this movie and i and have to talk to Steven about this , Steven this is the worst action movie i have ever seen. What happen to you ? you look like Marlon Brando and the plot what happen to the plot i just saw a lot of people shooting and cars driving fast though the city. Come one man you can do better than this ,i used to like your movies until now that is . And was the point of kidnapping the fr ens ambassador and his family whit servants be cores they wasn't mention until late in the movie did they survived or what ? and the bad guys whats the deal about them did they work together or against each other,and the Greek minister ??? the bankdirektor arrested the F.B.I man can he do that ? i could go on forever whit this see it for a god laugh