To me, this movie is perfection.

It isn't all that great, actually. Really cheesy and very predicable of how certain scenes are gonna turn play out. However, I guess that's the charm of it all, because I would consider this one of my guilty pleasures.

Tells a fascinating and unsettling true story, and does so well, without pretending to have all the answers.

Yes, absolutely, there is fun to be had, as well as many, many things to go boom, all amid an atmospheric urban jungle.

Don't get me wrong, this movie is terrible in all ways. It's poorly shot, poorly edited, poorly sound mixed, and poorly written, but it's one of those so bad it's watchable kind of things where you can laugh at all the horrible stuff on screen. The kills in some cases are done in such a way that they wouldn't actually kill the person, and the voice over of the killer is super lame. Despite being clearly a woman, they try to insert a twist at the end that makes no sense.

"The Nail Gun Massacre" is damn entertaining, a deliberately cheesy and comical backwoods slasher flick that writer / co-director Terry Lofton was wise not to take seriously. It's got plenty of gore, sex, nudity, one-liners, filler, and silliness, enough to make it a real hoot, although it does drag at times. It does hit the ground running, in any event. As Joe Bob Briggs would say, it's just about the greatest movie to come out of Seagoville, Texas.A burly, bearded Sheriff (Ron Queen) and a town doctor (Rocky Patterson) who favours muscle shirts and jean jackets have a problem on their hands: some person, possibly male, possibly female, who wears camouflage gear and a bikers' helmet, is going around murdering people with their handy-dandy nail gun. And this person *always* has a witticism for every occasion, uttering their lines in a synthesized Darth Vader type voice and laughing maniacally in the time honoured tradition of film villains. Could this murder spree have something to do with the gang rape that goes down in the opening minutes of the movie?This is good - well, maybe not "good" - and goofy fun with some deliciously sadistic kills. One poor guy gets a nail right through his crotch; an unlucky hitchhiker gets nailed to the highway. Our killer even takes the time to target people who are having sex, just like any good horror movie madman ought to do. There is much to laugh at here, and certainly it's not all intentional. The highlight has to be when a victim is nailed and falls on top of his barbecue grill - but even in his death throes, is able to carefully prevent the grill from toppling over. There are some attractive ladies in the cast, and the performances are amusing overall, especially from the deadpan Queen as the Sheriff.The pacing isn't always great; some scenes go on too long, but in the end "The Nail Gun Massacre" emerges as a funny piece of work that aficionados of 1980s horror are advised to seek out.Seven out of 10.

The Nail Gun Massacre is set in a small Texan town where lowly lumber yard worker Linda (Michelle Meyer) is brutally raped by a group of overweight & hairy construction worker. Jump forward several months & one of the rapist's Leroy Johnson is brutally murdered by someone using a nail gun, the local Sheriff (Ron Queen) is stumped. Then two more bodies are found bearing the grisly hallmarks of the nail gun killer, the local doctor (Rocky Patterson) becomes involved as the bodies continue to mount up. Both the Sheriff & the doc struggle to come up with any answers as the nail gun killings continue, will they able to uncover the killer & stop the nail gun massacre?Written, produced & co-directed by Terry Loftan who also gets the special effects, casting & stunts credits The Nail Gun Massacre is a notoriously bad film that even the likes of Herschell Gordon Lewis, Jim Wynorski & Roger Corman would be embarrassed to put their names to. Yes, The Nail Gun Massacre really is that bad although in it's unashamed awfulness there's a certain amount of sleazy fun to be had if approached in the right way. Obviously ripping it's title off from the classic power tool inspired horror flick The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) one has to say that the script for The Nail Gun Massacre is terrible with virtually no attempt at characterisation at all, the town Sheriif & local doctor who investigate the killings are two of the most bland, poorly written character's that have no personality whatsoever to grace any film you can name. The dialogue is so stiled, flat, static & dull that it seems no effort was put into giving any of the character's any sort of personality at all & the actor's look like they are reading from cue cards in a very monotone way. The plot is awful too, despite all these construction workers being killed in the same way with a nail gun & despite all these construction workers having been accused of rape & despite all these construction workers working for the same company the local Sheriff insist's he can't find any sort of connection until the last fifteen minutes when he finally works it out. I'm not being funny here but you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to work it out & you certainly don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to work out who the killer is, lets just say when they are finally revealed at the end it will comes as no surprise to anyone, also how did the Sheriff know to turn up at the quarry at the end?The film is as badly made as any I have seen in a while, it's right down there with the rubbishy output from Troma. Apparently writer & director Lofton has said that he tried to make The Nail Gun Massacre as a comedy but I simply can't see anything funny or humorous about it, the tone is quite serious & there's slapstick or one-liners & my guess is Lofton is trying to cover his ass as he knows he turned in a terrible film & is saying it was meant to be anyway like that makes a difference. The film has point the camera in the right direction & hope for the best cinematography, the opening sequence features a wooded scene that is supposed to be foggy but it just looks like someone lit a bonfire just off-screen as a few puffs of smoke drift by! The sound is abysmal, there's lots of annoying ambient sounds like cars going past that drown out the dialogue & the horrible music is often played so loud that again you can't hear the dialogue. The kill scenes are poorly staged with the killer 'sneaking' up on people in broad daylight & you can't tell me that woman having sex on the bonnet of that guy's car didn't notice some freak wearing a motorcycle helmet & carrying a huge nail gun, she was looking right at them yet seemed surprised when the killer eventually spoke. The gore is OK, there's a fair amount of blood & there's a severed hand. There's quite a few sex scenes that have the production values of your average 70's porno & they seem 'inserted' which of course they were at the request of the films original distributors. The rape is short & not that graphic (one of the few scenes not to feature any nudity in fact).The budget for this must have been minuscule to say the least, shot in Texas & was in fact released in the US on DVD under the title Texas Nailgun Massacre. The killer is given a modulated voice which is often hard to understand & quickly becomes annoying. The acting is atrocious from all involved.The Nail Gun Massacre is one of those awful films which has a certain entertainment value & questionable charm about it, it was sleazy & exploitative enough to keep me happy for 90 odd minutes but both conceptually & technically this is the pits. If you are interested in power tool inspired slasher films then check out The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Toolbox Murders (1978) & The Driller Killer (1979).

Every horror collector worth their salt will at least have heard of The Nail Gun Massacre. It's such a tempting title isn't it? I finally gave in and bought the special edition DVD. This film is one big mess from start to finish, but you already knew that. The most interesting thing in it was breasts, big huge breasts at that! One woman has breasts so big that they're all you (and the cameraman) can focus on. The biggest problem with Nail Gun Massacre is that you can't really hear what anyone is saying, making it hard to follow. Every time someone speaks there's a horrible noise that sounds like a passing train. Perhaps this was to cover the bad acting? If anything they should have removed it and let the actors do their thing, no matter how untalented they are. At least we can laugh at them then! The sound is atrocious, half the time the background noise is louder than what people are saying. You also can't hear the supposedly "funny" lines from the killer, as the voice is too distorted. It does have it's good moments though. You can't help but laugh at such an inept film, with scenes such as a couple 'doing it' against a tree, where all you can see is the mans white ass jiggling around. The best part for me was when the killer says to the big breasted woman: "Get inside, big tits!" And there's another hilarious scene where a woman gets hysterical and says "I'm gonna die, I know I'm gonna die!" I would say the film was worth watching just for those two scenes! For a low budget "so bad it's good" film, The Nail Gun Massacre is nothing special. There's other low budget films that are much funnier such as The Suckling and They Don't Cut The Grass Anymore (the acting is worse than Nail Gun Massacre, yet more hilarious).