Horrible, fascist and poorly acted

Better Late Then Never

The movie is wonderful and true, an act of love in all its contradictions and complexity

The movie runs out of plot and jokes well before the end of a two-hour running time, long for a light comedy.

Bela Lugosi made more than his share of low-budget stinkers during World War II, but "Return of the Ape Man" might be the worst. In fact, it might be the worst film he made prior to his teaming up with Ed Wood, Jr. Lugosi plays an amoral scientist with a special interest in cryogenics (though that word is never actually used). After abducting, freezing and reviving a bum, with the help of fellow scientist John Carradine, he ups the ante by sponsoring an expedition to find a frozen prehistoric man, which he does find, in about three minutes, thanks to dynamite. He revives the "ape man," who of course is a murderous brute, controlled only by waving fire in his face, but wants to go further by implanting part of a modern brain in him, allowing him to remember what it was like living in Bedrock. When Carradine objects, HE becomes the unwitting brain donor, and further chaos ensues. This is one of those films that is so cheap you can see the sets wobble. Carradine somehow manages to retain his dignity (more than he would in many other trash films), and Lugosi is...well, Lugosi. The scene in which Lugosi traps Carradine on an electrified plate in his lab, and then lassos him and ties him up, while the two are holding a philosophical conversation, has to rank high in the annals of bad cinema. George Zucco was supposed to play the ape man, and he's there literally for a couple seconds, but he took ill and was replaced by an actor named Frank Moran, who's actually not bad. But the script is awful, the direction non-existent, the prolonged ending involves the ape man carrying the heroine around, and around, and AROUND, in what at one point looks like a parody of Universal's "The Mummy's Tomb," and the canned musical score is ludicrously inappropriate to the action in just about every scene. The musical highlight comes early on during a stock footage sequence of the ship carrying the expedition, which is accompanied by a sprightly "Rosie O'Grady"-style waltz tempo. Sometimes these Monogram epics are so bad they're enjoyable, but the enjoyment wears out quickly in this one, leaving nothing but people running back-and-forth on cardboard sets to ridiculous music.

Bela Lugosi and John Carradine, both men played Dracula at Universal Studios and both men said "Yes" when Monogram Studios came calling with offers of work. In VOODOO MAN John was Bela's half-wit servant (Long John called that "The worst film I ever made!" of course he said that before he did BILLY THE KID MEETS Dracula.) At least in this film they are fellow scientists.Prof. Dexter (Bela) and Prof. Gilmore (John) have perfected a way to freeze human beings and then thaw them out unharmed. They have kept Willy The Weasel (Ernie Adams) a "notorious tramp" (as a newspaper article labels him) on ice for 4 months. When he wakes up he thinks he has just spent the night in their basement! Bela suggests they could revive a person who has been frozen longer and suggests they head up to the North Pole to find a specimen of prehistoric man. With hardly any hesitation Carradine agrees and off they go. (Just keep repeating "It's only a movie . . . only a movie . . .")Do they find what they are looking for? Well this would be an even duller film if they did not! As Bela says "One chance in a million and we've won!" They waste no time in thawing the Neandertal Man (Frank Moran) out but he is far from happy at being awakened from his 50,000 year nap. Bela grabs a handy blowtorch and forces the man into an even handier cage (You see? Fire is his Master! He probably never understood it.") Now just bringing a prehistoric man back to life would have any other scientist ringing up the Nobel Prize committee but NOT Bela! He wants to transplant half the brain of a modern man into the ape man's skull so the world can hear first hand what it was like to live back then. Carradine is reluctant to do this ("That would be murder.") but Bela retorts "Murder is an ugly word. As a scientist I don't recognise it." Of course while determining just whose brain should be hijacked the Ape Man escapes and brutally kills a policeman. There is a splendid shot of Bela walking down a city street wearing a tuxedo with a lit blowtorch in his hand! This movie just has to be taking place in a parallel universe! Anyway moral and righteous Carradine reads about the killing in the papers and decides to spill the well known beans to the cops. Bela persuades him to drop by the lab first. Can you guess why? Yes! He has found his brain donor! This movie is fabulous because of the sheer eccentricity of its plot. Bela, who is not even a surgeon, successfully performs brain surgery without even bothering the shave the Neandertal's head; whats more the patient recovers from this complex surgery and it up and walking in just a few hours! Where did Dr. Lugosi study medicine? Also, why is the caveman not hurt by bullets? Was he petrified after having been frozen so long or is that just one really tough animal skin he is wearing? Watch closely for the scene where the ape man climbs through the window of Carradine's home. You will see this prehistoric man is wearing a pair of 20th century underwear!Originally the Ape Man was to be played by 2 people. Former prizefighter Frank Moran, who appeared in many movies for Poverty Row studios and even a few for the majors, was to be the title character before the brain surgery and George Zucco was to be the post surgery ape man. A still does exist showing the ape man sitting on a table with Carradine and Lugosi on either side. The profile is definitely not Frank Moran! That nose and those eyes do remind me of George Zucco; but that is not him in the movie at any time. A story goes that he got so fed up during the makeup tests that he "got sick" before his scenes could be filmed and Frank Moran played the role all the way through. Maybe George was still mad at Monogram because of his role in VOODOO MAN.Bela is great. John seems to be just walking through his role, something he seldom did not matter how bad the script was. Then again the script does not give him much to do. With lines like "I believe you're quite mad!" and "As a public minded citizen it's my duty to report how the poor man happened to have been killed." Maybe that is why Bela's character thinks his colleague could only donate half a brain!Supporting cast includes Judith Gibson, who was sometimes billed as "Teala Loring" and Michael Ames are the young-couple-in-love. Mr. Ames would later change his name to "Tod Andrews" and would star in such things as FROM HELL IT CAME (1957). Watch closely for Horace Carpenter (Dr. Mierschultz from Dwain Esper's 1934 sleaze classic MANIAC) in a non speaking role as a security guard who is killed by the ape man.They don't make movies like this anymore. You know what? I am kind of sorry they don't.

Having now watched some 12 of Lugosi's "cheapies", I'm surprised by how much I enjoyed some of them - but others are just so silly that, for me, it hampers rather than enhances their entertainment value! Unfortunately, RETURN OF THE APE MAN happens to be one of them.Let's begin with the good stuff: Lugosi and Carradine interact well together and I'd say that their roles here are equally important, despite the latter's below-title billing (though he's not interesting as a straight man, and I obviously prefer him when he goes over-the-top). Well, that's basically it - somehow, I felt that this one fell below the standard of the other films I've watched. Apart from the usual plot contrivances (not the least of which is Lugosi mounting an Arctic expedition, with a million-to-one chance of discovering the 'Missing Link', just so he can prove his theory about 'suspended animation'!) and the fact that, once unearthed, the 'creature' is given very little to do, the film suffers from listless pacing - where everybody apparently takes his sweet time about everything (witness Lugosi's calm and composed reaction at the Ape Man's escape from his laboratory, or the sheer amount of time it takes two cops to break down the door to the lab at the climax) - which really drowns any effort to get involved in the story!I truly wanted to enjoy this one for what it was and not examine it unduly but the script was so lazy and the handling so uninspired that it was awfully hard for me to excuse its deficiencies simply because it was Poverty Row stuff. Do you want examples? O.K...although I agree that the best line in the film was the one uttered by Lugosi - "Some people's brains would never be missed" - that very sequence is actually where my heart sank and I knew that it was going to get worse from that point on. Why on earth would Lugosi choose, of all people, his own assistant's future son-in-law as his 'guinea pig'?! As I said, the creature itself did nothing but commute from one house (Lugosi's) to another (Carradine's). Oh, yes...he did give us an unprecedented glimpse of his bare buttocks during his climb out of Lugosi's laboratory window! I have to say, though, that the image of Lugosi chasing the Ape Man into the streets with a blowtorch did put an effortless smile on my face! Worst of all, perhaps, is the hurried way in which the sequence where Lugosi traps Carradine is shot: rather than milk the scene for all the suspense it obviously contains by judicious cross-cutting, the director chooses to shoot it in one bland, medium-shot which, if one blinks long enough, would probably miss it!! Similarly tossed away is the sequence where the Creature (now with Carradine in control) goes back to his house and starts wandering about and even sits down to play the piano; one only has to recall how moving Freddie Jones was (in similar circumstances) under Terence Fisher's direction in FRANKENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED (1969). Sure, these programmers were made fast and cheap (as were Hammer's, after all) but how costly would it have been for the film-makers to pour some real effort into their work?

The story revolves around an Artic expedition headed by Bela Lugosi and his associate, scientist John Carradine, as they search for what might be the missing link. They find a frozen cave man...why this is called an ape man is totally lost on me. It must be based on the huge lack of success from an earlier Lugosi film called The Ape Man, of which this film has no relation too in plot whatsoever. Anyway, Lugosi brings this man back but finds that it needs at least a part of someone else's brain. He begins to search for possible subjects and settles on Carradine's soon-to-be fiancee. Carradine is not enthusiastic in the venture any further and severs ties, and the real mayhem begins as Bela gets to really ham it up trying to find and finally succeeding with a substitute. The Return of the Ape Man is undeniably cheap, poorly scripted, and laughably acted by most; it does, however, remain thoroughly entertaining due in large part to Lugosi in a charged-up role and Carradine in a rather subdued one. The cast credits list George Zucco but alas he is nowhere to be found. Quite a shame considering his ability to add class to almost anything.