Boring

A terrific literary drama and character piece that shows how the process of creating art can be seen differently by those doing it and those looking at it from the outside.

Mostly, the movie is committed to the value of a good time.

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

Under a powerful Mayan curse, snakes are hatched inside a young woman, slowly devouring her from within. Her only chance for survival is a powerful shaman who lives across the border. With only hours to live, she jumps on a train headed for Los Angeles.Could this be one of The Asylum's worst films and yet one its biggest money-makers? I think so. While most of their films are bad, this one seems to be among the worst. And yet, it is possibly the most noteworthy ripoff they had. I can see hundreds and thousands of people renting this... (though I am not exactly sure how rental money gets back to creators).Others have complained about dangling subplots, such as the drug smuggling and Middle Eastern man. Really? If anything, give them credit for trying to have more complex characters... even if they failed.

...and by better, I mean that it is not complete garbage. Although extremely not plausible, "Snakes On A Train" is entertaining. This movie does, however, have some issues.First, as the movie opens and we are introduced to Alma and her beau, they are walking through the desert speaking to each other. The problem is, they are speaking to each other in Spanish. Would it have killed the good people at The Asylum to through up a few subtitles, or do they just take for granted that the dialogue in their films is typically meaningless, so why bother? Second problem with this movie is the directors' blatant disregard for plot holes. When Alma tries to initially stowaway on the train and only has pesos, it's pretty convenient that a childhood friend just happens to be on that exact train, in that exact car, at that exact time to pay her way in U.S. dollars. Question: How do the two Mexican guys get out of the cage unnoticed when Alma and her boyfriend are literally only a few feet away from them at all times? Another question: how does the blonde-haired, drug smuggling young lady NOT know she had been bitten by a snake? These characters would never been found at your local chapter of Mensa. They are stupid to the point of being special. You cringe when the electrical engineer asks "Do you know what time it is?" when he is very obviously wearing a watch that, if it were any larger, it would be Big Ben. Also, does it ever occur to Alma and her boyfriend that, because she is very sick from the curse, it would make more sense to simply call the Uncle living in L.A. and ask him to come to them instead of making a perilous trek across the country that would put at risk the lives of several other people? Just a final note to the two Directors and The Asylum: Was it absolutely necessary to cast the Middle Eastern Actor as the sinister looking passenger? The choice borders on cliché' and cultural insensitivity. And finally...IT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO KILL A CHILD IN A MOVIE.

What the hell was this. If this was made in the seventies it could have been one of those drive-inn classics but nowadays it's just a bad cheesy flick. Well, if you like cheesy flicks then you will love this or if you used to see Mega Piranha and stuff like that than you will love it. If you think you will have a gory flick then forget it. It's all about some chica being cursed by her family because she doesn't want to marry the man she was offered. Running away to get help in Los Angeles they get aboard a train. From there on it's one way track to the cheesy end. Before that you will have some stupid conversations to fill the film. You have some green vomit (no not pea soup) coming out of mouths mixed with snakes. Those are real snakes so up to that part everything is still okay. The go into human flesh which looks nasty. Naturally there is some gratuitous nudity again just to keep you watching but it's the end that makes it look cheesy. The possessed girl somehow put the vomited snakes back in her mouth and becomes a snake. What we have then is so over the top that you must have seen it to believe it. Not for everybody and not for me but men, who invents those kind of stories, please come forward.

This is really a bad movie. Decent actors given no material to work with, decent camera-work, a premise that could have been fun, special effects of variable quality (the scenes of snakes entering people's bodies are quite well done), and direction with no sense of pace and no attempt at creating suspense add up to...nothing much.We open with a young Hispanic couple in the desert. The woman is ill, and vomits repeatedly: first disgorging green Jello, then snakes. They get on a train. The plot is in motion.We meet the various characters and wonder who will survive. Who will be the Last Girl? More importantly, how can the railroad stay in business running a train from El Paso to Los Angeles with a little over a dozen people aboard? There's a young Anglo couple with a daughter about six years old. We know that the parents are dead meat. It's an unpleasant surprise that after the parents are dispatched we see the screaming child eaten alive by a giant snake.Someone will piously state that bad things actually do happen to children in real life. Sure. But this isn't real life; it's a cheap exploitation movie cashing in on Samuel L. Jackson's big budget thriller, hoping that Blockbuster customers won't look too closely at the DVD box.The ending is ambitious, but these people didn't have the chops to pull it off. A giant snake slithers across the top of the train, gets ahead of it, and swallows it. Half a dozen characters jump from the train just before the last car is swallowed. Then a magic tornado comes and does something with the snake. Whatever. But it's gone, and the survivors begin walking to find civilization. Of course we see that one woman has a snakebite on her leg, and assume that the whole cycle will start over.I watched it on Chiller, so I didn't have a rental fee. If I had rented it, I'd have felt like I was robbed.Most of the dialog is just filler. After all, dialog scenes are cheaper to film than those that involve special effects.