The Worst Film Ever

One of my all time favorites.

A Disappointing Continuation

There is, somehow, an interesting story here, as well as some good acting. There are also some good scenes

Not exactly a vampire movie as I was expecting(a lascivious Count "spreading the seed" to fair young maidens), the creatures in "Spermula" are from a planet, "Spermulites" taking the form of ravishing French sexpots with a diabolical plot to "suck the human race into extinction"..without sperm to fuel Earth with a populace, the Spermulites could then invade and rule the planet! Udo Kier is presented as a mistake! That's right, Kier was supposed to be a female and instead was metamorphically transformed into a man..a genetic anomaly, not equipped to enjoy sexual gratification due to his penile inadequacy! Dayle Haddon is the star of the film, absolutely lovely, the camera worships her..she stars as the leader of the female Spermulites on Earth, the one who must see that the plot stays on course without problem. "Big Mother" is the narrative voice who orders from Spermula through thought to her girls on Earth, whose contempt for men and human sexuality is evident in how she speaks with disgust. It seems someone took the remnants of a French sex film and developed a loopy sci-fi farce around it with hilarious dubbing and sex jokes aplenty. Big Mother commands her girls to "Open your mouths, spread your legs, and conquer". The crux that develops in the "plot" is that the Spermulites, once in the human female bodies over a period of time, start to grow fond of the desire and lust that exists and grows. Meanwhile, their planet disintegrates further as they lose themselves in their human forms. Udo Kier's Werner is head-over-heels for the daughter of the town mayor, but his impotence is a major obstacle he finds difficult to overcome. While the movie has it's share of debauchery, I found it surprisingly tame as French erotica. The comedy is it's lasting asset, the dialogue often side-splitting in it's crude depiction of sexual liberality. Some interesting characters emerge as the film unfolds including a painter and his giggly muse and how Haddon finds her yearning for his touch polluting the task at hand, a dwarf and his black ladies(not to mention his beef with the mayor), a Priest and his female servant(who the Spermulites wish to convert in a plan against the Cardinal!), and the town mayor(his obsession with model planes, not to mention his nymphomaniac wife and naughty daughters!)and the various female lovelies which inhabit "Spermula" as aliens in the gorgeous bodies of Earthlings out to eradicate through intercourse!

Anti-sexual aliens from a dying planet exact a wild invasion plot by disguising themselves as beautiful women. Taking residence in a Gothic style castle, they proceed to put into motion their sinister strategem of sucking Earth men dry(no, not blood, kiddies), thus quashing Earthly reproduction practices and rendering our planet theirs for the taking. A monkey-wrench is thrown into their plan when they begin to enjoy their dirty work.Surprisingly high-style film is simultaneously erotic and riotous, and featuring some of the most stellar beauties of 1970s European exploitation cinema. Udo Kier is on hand as well in one of his typically bizarre roles, as the alien who "accidentally" emerges in the body of a male.Frustratingly difficult to acquire(especially in a watchable transfer), SPERMULA is a great looking, fun, and deliberately absurd novelty which will hopefully be given a first-class DVD release at some point in the near future...it deserves one.7/10

"Spermula" is about a race of bodiless aliens living on the doomed planet of Spermula, and their attempts to eradicate the human race so that they can have their planet. The Spermulites take the form of women whose mission is to suck all the sperm out of the human males, thereby dooming the species; despite admonishments that they do not enjoy their sexual acts with the human males, all of them eventually begin to succumb to the temptations of the flesh. The famous Udo Kier plays a Spermulite who has been accidentally made a male (with an inconsiderable member), and who refuses to ask the "Great Mother" that he be made a female: he wants to be male and marry a woman. This unique and bizarrely stylized satire of conventional sexual morality somehow never became a cult hit - and very undeservedly too, as it is filled with some of the funniest dialogue this side of "Andy Warhol's Bad". As I understand it, the French filmmakers dubbed this into English themselves for their own aesthetic purposes, but I'm not entirely sure of this. It is now very obscure, but well worth the effort it takes to ferret out a copy - and hopefully some day it's worth will be more widely recognized and appreciated.

Spermula is a great, intensionally funny sex/sci fi flick, and it got Udo Kier (the world's most handsome man!) in one of the major roles. What more could you possible need? The story is based around "spermulites", the alien inhabitants of a dying planet. The only way they can save their planet is by sucking the men of planet earth dry of sperm, kind of like horny vampires. Of course they take the shape of sexy girls, but Udo's character is mistakenly transformed into a man with a 1 centimeter long penis. It's a very dumb movie, but it got heart and wit. Unfortunely it's a bit overlong. And Udo's voice has been dubbed, ruining the day for all us "Udolites" who love to hear his sexy mid european accent.But it's still a good and fun flick, too well made to be labelled camp. They don't make erotic movies like this any more. Recommended.You might have some trouble trying to find a copy of this lost Udo gem, but it's well worth the effort.