The Worst Film Ever

Plot so thin, it passes unnoticed.

Did you people see the same film I saw?

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

This so-called comedy seems an over-abundance of smugness that thrives on the mistaken belief that its all-star cast and intelligent screenplay will rise above pretentiousness. There's actually very little in the way of humor and story, a weak plot about two American women who pretend to be French in order to see how two American soldiers on leave will treat them. Olivia de Havilland is the titled character, daughter of ambassador Adolph Menjou who is engaged to the French Francis Lederer but sets her beret for the more appealing John Forsythe. Her sidekick? None other than Myrna Loy, still stunning and every inch the scene-stealer, managing to get laughs where there are none. De Havilland is too dry for modern comedy and seems miscast opposite the dashing Forsythe. Edward Arnold is still hanging on as Loy' s stuffy husband while Tommy Noonan fights for laughs as the other soldier. The snail paced screenplay with allegedly smart dialog is actually extremely highbrow, a dangerous quality for the mid 1950's. Many shots of Parisian tourist spots, while always lovely to look at, end up a detriment to the film as a whole. In spite of some matronly outfits, Loy ends up looking more appealing and younger than the leading lady who had lost much of her appeal at this point in her career. De Havilland doesn't succeed in the type of roles that Jane Wyman was raking in huge success at the box office at the same time.

Frothy bit of fluff but with a great deal of charm. The entire cast are expert comedians excepting Forsythe but his role is really that of the straight man anyway. This was Myrna Loy's first supporting role after years in the star spot but while she is clearly secondary her skillful presence keeps her in mind even when she is off-screen. Tommy Noonan is most amusing as Forsythe's befuddled pal, his gauche hayseed with a good heart makes a nice counterpoint to the sophistication of the other players. Shot entirely in Paris with clothes by Dior this is a chic soufflé of the type that Hollywood has no idea how to make anymore.

Excruciating sex and romance comedy wherein the romance is applied by cutting to close-ups of star Olivia de Havilland gazing at her G.I. with stars in her eyes, though the sex never happens because this is hermetically-sealed 1956 and, of course, people didn't do such things. Out to prove her Ambassador father wrong, daughter Olivia goes out on a date with soldier John Forsythe (under the guise of a French model!) to prove he isn't a "mucker" (or, wolf). It gets worse from there. Forsythe's chatty buddy, who sounds like he's auditioning for a cartoon voice-over job, gets chummy with a senator and his wife while Forsythe has a confrontation with every person he talks to (he's far too intense and focused an actor to relax and be easy, and these fluffball surroundings have him looking like a deer in the headlights). Norman Krasna wrote and directed this misguided comedy, one without a single laugh or single engaging character (although Myrna Loy tries). It looks good in widescreen, but the script is a piece of lead, insulting to everyone from French fan dancers to bagpipe players to horny American G.I.s who can't even take in a show without arguing with the maître d' over their restaurant cover charge. * from ****

What I learned about the fascinating Paris sewer system was easily the best part of this film. Unfortunately that scene lasts for about 2 minutes. The rest of the film just seemed flat, dull, limp.The production values of this film are the next best thing. It is, indeed, a Technicolor treat to the eyes. The women's costumes are lovely. The sets are also nice. However, the director is totally clue-less about the artistic use of a camera or a soundtrack. Much of this film lacks background music. This lack of comedy-mood-setting music is devastating because this story is not inherently funny, and the only member of the cast that has a sense of comedy (or really has any funny lines) is Tom Noonan. So whatever comedy is there, is undermined by the lack of an appropriate soundtrack. There are a couple of scenes when we hear some ambient, "street" music - the predictable Parisian accordion, and the completely unexpected Breton bagpipes droning in an over-packed Eiffel Tower elevator - preposterous and rude, but not funny! There is also music, of course at the ballet, where the scenes are photographed in a totally static, pedestrian, uncreative way. However, background piano or light string music is conspicuously absent in the charity fashion show scenes. And transitional scenes such as Forsythe's walking along a street toward the airline ticket office are music- less. Without music, such scenes contribute nothing to the erstwhile "comedy" atmosphere of the film. Instead, they are just flat plot devices. The entire film is similarly flawed, leaving it to the actors, themselves, to convey the comedy. Unfortunately none of these actors is up to the task.The plot is a lot like Clash of the Titans - a mythical melodrama! But instead of Greek gods testing the character of a "mortal," here we have a senator, a general and the U.S. ambassador to France testing the character of a U.S. serviceman in Paris. Except for Noonan, the cast plays this movie like a Greek tragedy. Noonan is a little more restrained than usual, although he still seems very hammy because his role is in such stark contrast to the rest of the cast. He seems like he is performing in a completely different movie.The repetitious wallet-losing has potential for comedy that is totally lost. The first instance sets off a heated accusation-and-denial confrontation between Forsythe and DeHavilland. After such heat, it is so suddenly and easily dismissed that it is very awkward. It is not simply a lost opportunity for comedy, but it's unreal. When the wallet is lost a second time, while DeHavilland and Forsythe are at a nightclub, the comedy is supposed to be conveyed by the two actors yukking it up with stage laughter. DeHavilland's predictable line, "I didn't steal it" is supposed to be the cause of such belly-laughing for them (and presumably for us). Sadly, the line would have been only moderately humorous had it been well delivered. The nightclub has another lost opportunity for comedy. Instead of ending in a funny encounter between Forsythe, the club host and the gendarmes, it is a mere plot device - everybody playing it straight - most polite, gracious and sincere!What one commentator mistakenly calls the final scene is actually the penultimate scene. It is admittedly one of the better scenes AND (coincidentally) one of the few with soundtrack music to help set the mood! (This scene WOULD have made for a nice ending, but the director is too heavy-handed for that. So in a totally superfluous scene tacked onto the end, we see Bride DeHavilland and Groom Forsythe, with the rest of the cast kneeling in a cathedral before a priest during what is obviously their wedding ceremony.)Olivia DeHavilland is, as several commentators have noted, hopelessly miscast. She is not only too old, but comic delivery is a part of her craft that totally eludes her.John Forsythe, likewise has no sense of comedy or comic timing. He plays his role almost exactly the same as Harry Hamlin portrayed Perseus in Clash of the Titans!Menjou, who I usually enjoy, delivers a very unfunny performance as the senator. The senator is (unbelievably!) a tightwad. His touching of DeHavilland's face at the ballet is not only unsporting, but also offensive. His character is very unsympathetic, if not downright despicable - and definitely NOT funny. And the lip service paid to penny-pinching is not ever comical.Myrna Loy... WHY? She is another one of my faves, but here she seems bereft of energy. She seems rather wistful or even sad when attempting to discuss the Prince with Menjou or offering "motherly" advice to DeHavilland. Then her scene with Forsythe at the ballet is definitely NOT funny. She tells Forsythe that she was in the presence of Menjou when he struck "a woman" (HA-HA! Now THAT'S hilarious! I wonder who she meant? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge! )The general is a mere functionary, and Edward Arnold almost a non-entity.Finally, there is DeHavilland's fiancé, the Prince. What was he doing in this film? He has about 3 "straight" lines, and the rest of the time he strains to sit around looking "princely." He provides no conflict with Forsythe or resistance to DeHavilland's leaving him. He is a totally superfluous "prop!"I never felt any chemistry among ANY of the cast members. Consequently, I was pretty indifferent to their respective fates. They all seemed to be actors delivering lines and receiving a paycheck at the end of the day. I suspect each one of them regards this film as a personal embarrassment. The plot is weak, the lines weaker. The cinematography is totally unimaginative, wasting some nice sets. The direction is clue-less. The acting is uninspired, failing to strike the right tone. And the lack of a good soundtrack is the nail in the coffin of this cadaver. Lifeless.