An Exercise In Nonsense

As somebody who had not heard any of this before, it became a curious phenomenon to sit and watch a film and slowly have the realities begin to click into place.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

If you want to learn "The Hobbit" story in as little time as possible, this is the movie for you. And I'm not ripping on it's length at all, it's length combined with it's animation I think makes a good kids film. Heck, if I hadn't seen this when I was a kid, I don't think I'd be such a big fan of "LOTR" as I am today. There are a few deviations from the book, some good, some bad. I've read the book a couple of times, and I would still rather read the book than see this again. What made "The Hobbit" great to me was that it's length was perfect. It was a book that you could get absorbed into, but you could finish it in a day or two. It wasn't too long and it wasn't too short. I feel like this version is too short. I have seen the Peter Jackson "Hobbit" movies, and I can't say I recommend this over those. To be honest, I've only seen the Peter Jackson "Hobbit" movies once. I'll probably get to those at a later date, but this is a good alternative if you don't have time to read the book.

I have to admit that the dwarfs, with the exception of Thorin, aren't well developed but it's a bit hard to develop individual personalities for 13 dwarfs (although Disney managed with 7). After the group sets out, they find a bunch of trolls (actual trolls, not internet trolls) near a campfire. Bilbo notices the trolls cave, where Thorin finds a pair of swords and comments that they're pretty good as far as troll craftsmanship goes and Gandalf says that that's because they were probably stolen while Bilbo finds a pocketknife. They then travel to Rivendell, where they meet Elrond, who tells them that the swords are called Orchrist the Goblin Cleaver and Glamdring the Foe Hammer. As an added bonus, the elves are still singing in the background. It's surprising that Elrond isn't like "why don't you just shut up!" although that would be extremely out of character for him. Bilbo and the dwarfs trek through the rainy mountains and decide to take shelter in a cave but find themselves surrounded by goblins. Thorin says that they were just taking shelter from the storm and a goblin takes out Orchrist the Goblin Cleaver and says that he's lying because why would he have a sword if they were simply wandering around randomly. This doesn't bode well with the Goblin King, who is about to bite Thorin's head off when Gandalf appears with Glamdring the Foe Hammer, sending the Goblin King floating into oblivion. OK, what is up with that?! I get that Gandalf killed him, but why couldn't they just show that?! Why'd it have to look like he was flushed down the toilet?! Everyone runs, chased by the goblins, who are apparently mad about the puncturing of their helium filled leader while Bilbo falls into a bottomless pit. Gollum looks really amazing. This movie was my introduction to The Hobbit and Lord Of The Rings. So to sit down in front of a TV to have the goblin scene followed by this bizarre creature who I wasn't even sure at first whether he was male or female, let alone what he was, is exciting. He's curious about Bilbo and challenges him to a game of riddle exchange. They're evenly matched until Bilbo asks what he has in his pocket, which isn't exactly a riddle. I think that Bilbo's encounter with Gollum is the turning point for Bilbo's personal story arc. This is where the timid hobbit of the first half becomes the brave, heroic hobbit of the second half. This isn't just because he finds the ring or survives the encounter with Gollum. Bilbo manages to get out of a terrifying situation-trapped all alone in a maze of goblin-infested tunnels, deep beneath the mountains, far from home-and he does it through his own level-handedness and bravery. Now cut to the goblins singing "15 Birds in 5 Fir Trees". This happens before anyone attacks, before we see any fir trees, before anyone is set on fire. It's like breaking into the "Munchkinland" song while Dorothy's house is still flying around. Gandalf creates his fiery pine-cones of death (is it still a pine-cone if it's from a fir tree?) The goblins set fire to the trees just as the eagles arrive. The eagles take everyone to the edge of Mirkwood and Gandalf leaves but first tells Bilbo to keep a diary of his adventures. While walking through Mirkwood, Bilbo decides to title his story "There And Back Again" even though he hasn't finished the there yet. The dwarfs decide that Bilbo should climb a tree and look around, which he does. He climbs up, sees a herd of butterflies in the sunlight, and starts to tear up. This is a beautiful scene and it really shows how Bilbo has evolved from unwilling to enjoying his journey. Meanwhile, Bilbo wakes up to find himself being attacked by a giant spider, a thing with the body of a spider and the head of Colonel Sanders. Bilbo points his sword at the spider and it dissolves in a swirl. He tells the dwarfs to go to the wood elves' clearing while he fights off the spiders despite the fact that aforementioned clearing hasn't been revealed (must be in a deleted scene). Once Bilbo finds the dwarfs, it turns out that they have been captured. Something I should mention before I go any farther is that the elves are blue! So the smurfs, I mean elves, take the dwarfs and Bilbo back home and Thorin says they were just wandering around randomly but once again this excuse doesn't fly. The elves decide to lock them up until they say what they were actually doing. It turns out that only the dwarfs were actually put in cells while Bilbo is just reduced to wandering around. While the elves are asleep, an invisible Bilbo manages to get the keys to the dwarfs' prison and frees each of them. The dwarfs ride down the river in barrels while Bilbo rides on top of one of them. Since Bilbo is on top of a barrel rather than inside one, he notices that they're approaching both a settlement called Laketown and their destination Lonely Mountain. They then meet Bard the archer and camp out on the mountain for a bit while Bilbo becomes friends with a bird. Thorin uses the key that has been passed down to him and Bilbo goes inside. Smaug asks Bilbo who he is and Bilbo responds by doing some riddling like he did with Gollum. The movie ends with Bilbo and Gandalf returning back to the hobbit hole (I wonder how they got back so fast). Although it's not without it's flaws, this movie is pretty awesome. Gollum is especially well rendered and it uses lots of quotes from the book. It has a special place in my heart.

These are the reasons I don't like this movie: The songs are very annoying through the entire movie, the character design is of nightmares & I feel too much that this is not based on a book by J.R.R Tolkien, but a person who felt that the books were too hard for kids & decided to wright it as childish as possible (Probably what happened when I think about it). There was not a moment I was wondering when the movie was over from the beginning till the end, not a good sign. There is a reason this movie is not common knowledge for the general public, that is because it's not a good one. My suggestion is to keep away from it & watch Peter Jackson's version.

great film good for birds i recommend to parakeets and noisy sprites everywhere. i watched it with my bird and he loved every second, except for eating birdseed and the occasional hobbit foot. my other bird gangwifre who is a retarded horned owl, and these two pigeons that just flew through the window like whoa what. they all loved it but the pigeons shat on my floor god dammit. overall 10/10 recommend to birds great film good for birds i recommend to parakeets and noisy sprites everywhere. i watched it with my bird and he loved every second, except for eating birdseed and the occasional hobbit foot. my other bird gangwifre who is a retarded horned owl, and these two pigeons that just flew through the window like whoa what. they all loved it but the pigeons shat on my floor god dammit. overall 10/10 recommend to birds