SERIOUSLY. This is what the crap Hollywood still puts out?

It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.

This is a dark and sometimes deeply uncomfortable drama

The movie really just wants to entertain people.

This New Zeeland movie is about a boy trained as a ninja on one of the isles of the Tongan archipelago. One he grows up he must save the girl, defeat his archnemesis and face his fears. It is a spoof of (bad) Asian kung-fu movies and sometimes is it hilarious. Most of the time, though, it is plain boring. And it is strange, because both in montage and directing, the people involved show a lot of talent. The actors are clearly having a lot of fun, too. By all means, this should have been great, but it was only marginally funny.A highlight of the movie is the presence of Jemaine Clement, one of the funny guys from Flight of the Conchords, also a writer for the movie, as the psychopathic Action Fighter. That's a bunch of laughs. Unfortunately for the movie, he is the only funny thing in it.Bottom line: Had potential, but it ultimately failed as a comedy.

A spoof of b-grade movies, rotten 60s kids TV series (at the beginning),martial arts movies, James Bond ripoffs, damsel in distress plots .... and set in beautiful Wellington to boot. Every time I watch it I spot another forced continuity error. The "making of" sequences are particularly entertaining - the director is living rough and being hassled by the actors and cameraman for their overdue pay, everyone is terrified of the producer and changes the subject when his name comes up, and the heroine (an Asian actress) is represented as a pakeha (European) lass who had to spend five hours in makeup every morning (a reference to the Lord of the Rings, being made in Wellington at the time; in addition, the pakeha actress did the heroine's voice in the movie). The villain Action Fighter (Jermaine Clements of Flight of the Concordes) is represented as a humble biscuit factory worker at the Griffins factory in the (local) Hutt Valley. Gorgeous.A great personal favourite!

I own the DVD. I had to have it. It is just unfortunate that this piece of cinematic brilliance (Use your own judgment) only screened once in New Zealand (and as an ARTS film ?!?) when it received accolades in countries such as Finland and Bulgaria! I recommend it to anyone with a NZ sense of humor and also anyone who liked Kung Pow. I recommend it to all my friends. Then I hear that they recommended it to all their friends as well. I am still waiting for someone to tell me they did not like this move.Be sure to check out the special features too. Lord of the Ring's Peter Jackson displays a rare view of his acting talent. If he is for this movie - you should be too!

I know I use the word 'awesome' a lot, I just happen to watch a lot of crazy awesome movies. I can't help it. I don't actively seek them out, they just find a way of ending up on my TV or in my DVD player. Anyway, where was I? 'Awesome'. I use the word 'awesome' frequently, and I'll admit that I'm not even using it correctly in more than a few cases. However, 'awesome' is my way of indicating a given movie's coolness level, and such a little word is so much more descriptive than a silly rating system involving numbers and stars. For example, I believe I rated 'Wild Zero' as 10 stars, 'Versus' as 9 stars, and 'Battlefield Baseball' as 8 stars, but I do believe I said each one is awesome. Numbers are so inaccurate, and can't describe such movies. 'Awesome' is so much more descriptive.Now you may be asking "But how does all this relate to 'Tongan Ninja'?". Well, you see Billy, any number I give to 'Tongan Ninja' would be grossly unfair, as it would not be taking both the awesomeness of 'Tongan Ninja' and its value as a movie into account (see my review of 'Killer Meteors'. However, if I were to simply say 'Tongan Ninja' is crazily awesome, that would say so much more: it would say that anyone easily amused will enjoy it, and then people of any class and refinement should avoid it entirely.'Tongan Ninja' is crazily awesome.Sione (Sam Manu) is the Tongan Ninja. As a child, he survived a plane crash caused by Marvin (Jemaine Clement), who has since grown up to be an evil ninja and Sione's rival. Marvin makes it a point to frequently remind Sione that Sione's father survived, only to be eaten by a fish. The adult Sione is sent to New Zealand by their ninja mentor, Master Magasaki, to protect a restaurant in true 'Way of the Dragon' style. But the evil ninja Marvin is not far behind...In all its crazy awesomeness, 'Tongan Ninja' is a spoof on old kung-fu movies. Hell, the plot is taken from Bruce Lee's 'Way of the Dragon', just with some extra creative license. Its a funny movie, messing around with the stereotypical plot elements (dead fathers, "I am your father", the greatest fighter of whatever style), bad dubbing, and making most of the very limited budget they had instead of trying to hide from being cheap. The fight scenes serve to amuse as comedy, not as true fight scenes, and the action goes way over the top but manages to stay funny throughout the movie.Cheap and wacky, 'Tongan Ninja' isn't obviously going to appeal to everyone. However, anyone who likes their movies cheap and wacky (not to mention crazily awesome) will enjoy this.