It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

it is the rare 'crazy' movie that actually has something to say.

if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

Let me be very fair here, this is not the best movie in my opinion. But, this movie is fun, it has purpose and is very enjoyable to watch.

Apparently shot back-to-back with the truly abysmal UNIVERSAL SOLDIER II: BROTHERS IN ARMS, this is marginally better than its predecessor but still a generally worthless and unnecessary second sequel to a film which didn't need one in the first place. Firstly, let me go through all the bad points. Battaglia and West are back from the first film, and they don't seem to have gained much acting skill in the process, although their characters are slightly more human and likable this time around. Human action-man Jeff Wincott returns as Battaglia's brother, this time reprogrammed as a robot baddie. Get this: he has a titanic bust-up with his brother, remembers their history, gets to do some male bonding, and then finally explodes. An interesting cameo appearance to say the least.This "explosion" is one of the most amusing aspects of the movie and a highlight of its inadequacy - a scientist tells us the blast radius is "twenty yards", but the actual underwhelming explosion is no more than twenty inches! Unfortunately director Jeff Woolnough's irritating camera tricks are still evident as the film goes in slow-motion for absolutely no other reason than to look supposedly "stylish", and sudden loud bursts of music assault the viewer for no particular reason (all loud, pumping military-type stuff, with the occasional burst of hilarious classical music during the mindless shooting as we had in Part II).The plot is utterly boring as usual, as our characters go from one dangerous action set-piece to the next, the film-makers displaying scant regard for logic or reason. The final half just seems to be lots of minor characters getting shot to little or no effect; in fact the same sequence is repeated so often that there's no impact at all when it happens. The laughable script has lines like "resurrection failure" and the like. When one robot said "nice night for a walk" (like in THE TERMINATOR) I couldn't believe my ears. The first hour is almost totally devoid of action, although the few deaths and shootings that do occur are mildly entertaining in a silly, over-the-top dramatic kind of way.Where this film is better than sequel is in its amusing sequences like when a failed soldier is burnt alive in a big oven which just happened to be there. Burt Reynolds also has a fairly prominent role this time around, replacing Gary Busey's role from the previous instalment as he chews on a cigar and speaks in frankly the most unrealistic accent (Irish? Who knows) that I've heard in a film. At least he isn't hiding in the shadows, but to watch this once respected actor (remember DELIVERANCE?) throw away what career he had - especially coming only a year after the mainstream success of BOOGIE NIGHTS - is a little sad. In a bizarre metaphor for his acting career, Reynolds commits suicide in the movie - much like he killed his career when making this film. However, there is some hope for the actor - in the film, he's reborn, so perhaps his career will be "reborn" in the next few years. I guess we'll have to wait and see. UNIVERSAL SOLDIER III is a bad film, yes, but with a few amusing minor elements to make it a harmless time-waster. The ending adds an amusing conspiracy-type twist with the insinuation that the president himself is a robot, and leaves things open for possible further sequels. Thankfully, in the three years since this was made, none have followed, which may be just as well.

Universal Soldier III: Let's be honest here, my hopes for Universal Soldier 3 were not exactly high. In fact, so low were they that even a modicum of style or verve would have been acceptable. So, did it live down to my prejudices? Oh, yes indeedy. In a move so audacious, they can only be commended, the casting personnel for the movie managed to locate and hire the only man alive with less acting talent and on screen charisma than either Long Cord Man Slamme or Dolphin Lundgren. In fact, when comparing the lead role here with Dolphin, it is hard not to bring to mind a battle of acting prowess between Meryl Streep and Jimmy Krankie, with Dolphin in the role of Streep. Matt Battaglia, a one man slab of mahogany gurns and stammers his way through a movie so lacking in style at one point I actually broke down and wept, head falling forwards, face slapping into my bowl of Super Noodles (beef), only able to breath by mercy of the fact that one noodle slipped up a nostril and I was able, through sheer force of will, to suck enough oxygen through the wheat construct to sustain life. When my energy returned, mercifully, the movie had ended, the on screen message taunting me "View Again?" No, my friend, I commanded the V+ box, not ever again.

You know a film must be pretty awful when:a) Burt Reynolds is the best actor in it.b) You keep wishing Jean-Claude Van Damme would make a re-appearance.Absolutely dire is a kind way of describing this pitiful offering. The original concept behind the Universal Soldier had plenty of potential, but this sequel to a sequel (and not even real sequels, but TV Movie sequels!) is almost too bad for words.Each and every one of the actors is truly terrible, especially the leading man, Battaglia. I know he's supposed to be playing a mindless automaton to begin with, but give me a break! Wooden doesn't begin to describe his performance which was so devoid of energy and enthusiasm that I began to long for Jean Claude to return. Now that's pretty bad!Burt Reynolds is the best of the bunch, but he fails miserably to deliver even a half-way decent Irish accent. At first, I couldn't even figure out what accent he was trying to portray, let alone whether it was any good or not. Please Burt, go back to the retirement home and stop making a fool out of yourself.The plot is pure silliness, coming from the "straight-to-video action movie" library of crass, "fire-fight for no reason" scripts. Endless gun fights, interspersed with "arty" shots of shell casings falling to the floor a la The Matrix (but never more than about three, almost as if they only had three casings). Lots of automatic gunfire, but the only people that actually get killed appear to be innocent bystanders. The Unisols in this movie appear capable of A-Team like innaccuracy when it comes to hitting the main characters.<spoilers ahead>In fact, when it comes to automatic fire, this film did teach me one thing. Ambulances are bullet-proof and perfect for escaping from machine gun toting uber-killers! Despite being hit front and rear, the ambulance received not even a scratch, not one bullet hole or broken window. The same ambulance also proved to be impervious to suicide soldiers who leapt in front of it, again sustaining no damage apart from a few sprinkles of fake blood.There are a large number of pointless or contrived scenes and heaps of foolish dialogue that falls flat on its face. A number of scenes are just plain risible, such as the scene where the Unisols are "covertly" entering a military airbase. They come up against a chainlink fence and resort to the best means to "covertly" cut through it to gain entry - a frickin blowtorch! No pansy boltcutters or wire-snips here. A full on blowtorch to melt through the links. Yep, the guards'll never notice a blowtorch in the pitch darkness! Duh! Pure idiocy.Later, inconsistent scenes and dialogue appear, such as the bomb in the hero's brother's chest, which we are told has a blast radius of twenty yards. When it goes off (moments later) it's more like he had a firecracker under his shirt. No, I take that back. A firecracker would have been more dangerous. Pathetic film-making! Then there's the scene with Burt leaping to his death from a rooftop onto the roof of a car. All the windows except for the windscreen itself blew out, but the screen wasn't even cracked? C'mon! I know it's only a TV Movie, but how dumb do they think the audience really is?All in all, this movie is not worth watching except perhaps as an exercise in how not to make an action movie. There's really no excuse for thinking that this kind of rubbish will satisfy even the most easily pleased of movie-goers. I know TV Movies have a very limited budget, but this takes the p**s. If they could afford Burt Reynolds, they could have afforded a few old cars to smash up or even an old van they could have painted up like an ambulance so they could have put bulletholes in it, for Chrissake!The Director appears to have only worked in television, directing odd episodes of this series or that, and the small screen mentality really shows in this movie. But it's the plot that really is beyond poor. An average six year old could probably come up with a more interesting and gripping action script than this one.If you are a fan of the original, give this a very wide berth, or it'll scar you for life.

Unfinished Business indeed. As if you hadn't been bored to death already, here's another hour and a half to really knock you out.In case there's anyone out there at all interested, this follows straight on from the 'cliffhanger' of no.2 "Brothers in Arms" (NOT "The Return"), following the exploits of poor old Luc what's-his-name and some woman as they get ever closer to uncovering the truth behind an illegal government conspiracy to sell undead soldiers to......snore.....snore.....snore.I can't quite remember, but I think there might actually be an explosion in this film somewhere - just for all you high-octane action junkies out there. Oh and occasionally people fire big guns. Other highlights? The trailers and the end credits.Yes, it's really THAT good.