Surprisingly incoherent and boring

Slow pace in the most part of the movie.

recommended

Great movie. Not sure what people expected but I found it highly entertaining.

This movie is one of the funnest movies I've ever seen,I mean it's up there with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I laughed through the whole movie. Just the thought of an alien protecting swords and gold is funny.The most funny part in the movie is when ever the alien is chasing them, the animation on that is terrible but it's so funny. I saw this one before the first one. This probably could be called a Troma Studios Film, but it's better than that.The extras are fall off the couch laughing because of the guy who played the alien has an interview.Also read my post on the message board for more info.

If I weren't giving this a sympathy point, I would give it a 0, were it available. Never, ever, EVER have anything to do with this horrible waste of time.For starters, the acting is miserable, and I have never heard the "F" word used more, not even in a Wes Craven movie. Not only do they curse more than necessary, but they sound like uneducated dope-heads when they do. More than once, there are painfully obvious Audio/Visual mismatches. Seriously, they don't even come close. Then there are scenes with various shots, and people talking, but you never really SEE them talking, which is ridiculous.The picture quality looks like something way back in say, the eighties. The scene transitions go from bad to worse as they go to screen swipes towards the end. The special effects are worse than a Sci-Fi original movie, and CREATURE CHANGES ALL THE TIME!!! Seriously, when the beast is in the cave, it has maybe four legs, and when out, it is bipedal. And more often than all the time, footage is repeated from other scenes; easily recognizable.In the DVD, the movie is divided into only 4 scenes to start from, and there are only previews and a ridiculous interview with the director.The movie is full of plot holes, and NOTHING is explained.And finally, the beast on the box, while very cool but looks somewhat like Alien, is NOT in the movie. I don't know what it is, but it is most certainly not what you get. The beast in the movie looks like a Power Rangers reject, and most importantly, it bleeds a bright green and can camouflage. God knows we've never seen that before (*cough cough*) Predator! On the bright side, this movie is good for a laugh, though I'm sure they didn't have such in mind. Lion's Gate has gone from bad (House of 1,000 Corpses) to absolutely horrible (Alien 3000). With a sympathy point for inadvertent humor, I give Alien 3000 1 outta 10.

One of the worst films I have or ever WILL view. Highlight was the nice topless scene in the first 2 minutes, then all downhill from there. Previous reviews are correct. They use model helicopters that I could probably photograph and make look more real than the movie did...OMG, I was laughing, it was so funny. But it's supposed to be a "scary" movie and here I am splitting a gut over the cheap props....explosions that my kids can simulate easily. The entire storyline is an utter insult to one's intelligence. For example, we're supposed to believe that Lorenzo and his military buddy JUMP FROM THAT TOY HELICOPTER WITHOUT PARACHUTES AND THEY BOTH WALK AWAY? Are you kidding me?Some of the special effects remind me of the late 60's early 70's cartoon series, "The Thunderbirds," where puppet like characters and buildings were supposed to look "real" but there is no way they were actually real. The only thing that kept me watching to the end was to see how much worse it could possibly get...and trust me, it did. From concept to plot to storyline to acting to special effects, this has got to be in the running for all-time bomb of all time. Heck, if they had used a bomb as big as this movie against that alien, he would have died on the first hit. This screenplay unfolds A LOT like my own first attempt to write an original creative story...oh, did I mention that it was a 6th grade project? DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, BAD MOVIE APPROACHING! DANGER! DANGER!

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT* You could easily write a book about all of the things wrong with "Alien 3000". Easily. This movie screams incompetence from beginning to end. It proudly shouts it from the mountaintop for the whole world to hear. But I would be lying if I didn't say that I found a few terrible parts enjoyable. There were scenes in "Alien 3000" that had me rolling in my chair with laughter. I doubt the movie was looking for that reaction but it got it from me."Alien 3000" is about a cave and the cheap invisible monster that lives there. The government sends a misfit crew of mercenaries to check it out. Lorenzo Lamas is hanging out back at their cardboard building headquarters for some B-movie backup. After much shouting and arguing amongst the soldiers, the monster decides he's had enough of their whining and proceeds to tear his way through them."Alien 3000" is a bad movie. It's got bad acting, horrible casting, atrocious special effects and generally reeks like a dead fish. The problems are almost too numerous to mention but here are some of them. First off, if the government is so concerned about the monster, why does it send the reject squad of mercenaries to handle it? These bozos didn't look like they could kill a slow moving fly, let alone kill a monster. All of the scenes with Lamas looked like they were filmed separately. He never once interacted with the main cast. "Alien 3000" felt like two or three different movies pounded together.The other big problem was with the special effects. They were mighty cheap and terrible although some of them were so awful that I had to laugh at them. One scene has a soldier running toward Lama's helicopter when he suddenly explodes. Another scene has the monster flying through the air and landing on Lorenzo's copter. These scenes may sound reasonable enough but in the movie they are handled with such ineptness you'll be howling with pain/joy. Both of these scenes had me laughing my head off. At least I got something halfway fun out of "Alien 3000".