The Worst Film Ever

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

Memorable, crazy movie

I wanted to like it more than I actually did... But much of the humor totally escaped me and I walked out only mildly impressed.

Well, I taped this movie because I found the title Vampiros Lesbos (or one could translate it to Lesbian Vampires, or the Vampire of Lesbos, or whatever - there isn't one) interesting. My friend also directed me towards it, though I do rarely listen to him. My conclusion though is that I really wasted my time watching this movie as it was dull, boring, and pointless.Dracula fell in love with a woman and made her a vampire, and this vampire only loves woman. One woman, a journalist or something, kept on dreaming about this vampire, and saw her one night in a weird restaurant. She then went to her island and had weird things done to her, and then after she goes to hospital and then is released, returns to the island to kill this vampire.It is a very bizarre, almost pointless movie. One of my friends says that to appreciate one movie, one needs to watch movies of other countries, and I agree that some movies from other countries had a style and ideas that are not found in those of America. Also, garbage like this also comes out, just as garbage comes out of everywhere.

This vampire film from director Jesus Franco is an unarguable example of a cult movie if ever there was one. It sure isn't going to appeal to everyone that's for sure. This is no ordinary horror movie – like a lot of Franco's films the horror is pretty half-hearted to say the least – it's much more left-field arty erotica. Franco is often criticised for being a bad film-maker, one who put out lots of films too quickly and with little care. To some degree this is true as his movies do always look like they were made fast and their low budgets always compromise them to some extent. Vampyros Lesbos exhibits these faults as well – it does have cheap sets and it does look like it has been made in a hurry – but this is one of the films from Franco that clearly shows that he had something really interesting to offer. His mix of horror, eroticism and surrealism puts him alongside French director Jean Rollin. At their best, both men made highly personal films that look more and more interesting and unique as each year goes by.Vampyros Lesbos can maybe best be described as a hallucinatory fever-dream. It has a striking feel and atmosphere. A great deal of its success can be put down to two things – its soundtrack and its lead actress, Soledad Miranda. The score by Manfred Hubler and Sigfried Schwab is pretty mind-blowing. It can perhaps best be described as psychedelic lounge music. It's very effective and creates an unusual ambiance all of its own. And as for Soledad Miranda, well she's pretty extraordinary. She starred in several Franco films at the time and she was always fantastic but this is her most famous and iconic role. Her character is Princess Nadine Korody; a mysterious vampire woman appears to a female lawyer in the form of a series of erotic dreams. Miranda is a very beautiful woman and she had an incredible screen presence. Her performance here is one of the greatest in erotic cinema. And the nudity never feels gratuitous with Miranda, always entirely natural and, dare I say it, beautiful. Ewa Strömberg is very sexy too but it's difficult competing with someone like Soledad Miranda and this is undoubtedly her film. The male cast has a few familiar faces but they are pretty negligible and there more for plot exposition purposes rather than anything much more. Franco himself does deserve some credit too for having the vision to bring all of this psychotronic madness to the screen in such a committed way. He does photograph things really interestingly at times, even if he is a bit of a zoom merchant.This is hardly a film for everyone. It's not even going to appeal to most horror fans. In fact it'll no doubt appal a lot of them. Because it's mainly about erotic imagery, as opposed to horror. And, like most Franco, it isn't plot driven in the least. Its story is a variation on 'Dracula' but it's more a means to an end and there is no attempt at generating suspense or anything like that. You have to be able to get into its very specific groove to get into it. It's overall a very strange film but for 70's Euro cult enthusiasts I would say this is an absolute must.

A West German/Spanish co-production set in Turkey starring a cast from all over Europe and directed by sleazy exploitation legend Jess Franco: it's no wonder that Vampyros Lesbos is a bit all over the place at times, with a disjointed narrative and the director's haphazard visual trademarks—rapid zooms, out of focus close-ups and random imagery—very much in evidence.But whereas Franco's 'distinctive' style has frequently had me struggling to stay awake in the past, in this instance it proves surprisingly beguiling—an irresistibly bizarre, hypnotic, exotic, erotic slice of 70s psychedelia, its zonked-out art-house ambiance heightened by an incredibly trippy score, a remarkably effective fusion of prog rock, sitar, jazz flute, organ and incomprehensible Satanic vocals.Of course, it doesn't hurt much either that the film's two female stars—Soledad Miranda and Ewa Strömberg—are absolutely ravishing and frequently disrobe to indulge in a spot of soft-core Sapphic love-making. Should you tire of the bonkers surreal nature of the film, the quality T&A should see you comfortably though to the end.

And so Jesus Franco's quest to turn every women into a lesbian continues. But in all seriousness, for all of the bad things I have said about Jesus Franco and his movies, I have to say that this was quite a good one and a real pleasant surprise, also within its genre.It's amazing really how much different this movie is from other Jesus Franco movies. It's not like it has a better story in it really but it's more so that it got made with way more style, taste and obvious devotion to the project.Normally I really can't understand that there are people who enjoy watching soft-core porn and get their kicks out of it. It does absolutely nothing for me but all I can say if more movies would handle it in the way such as this movie did, I can totally understand that there are people who love watching soft-core porn. It can be absolutely something beautiful and also sensual to watch.And that's the most surprising aspect about this movie perhaps. All of the sex in the movie got handled quite nicely and the movie really wasn't a sleazy one at all, unlike about every other Jesus Franco movie. Especially all of the lesbian moments were really beautifully done and were really sensual to watch, even though you never see any real 'action'.Yes, this movie definitely has artistic value to it, which is the foremost reason why it's such a perfectly watchable and fascinating one. The movie is set in both the real world and a dream kind of world, which at times also gives the movie a sort of surrealistic feeling to it. This also actually helps to make the story work out better as well, fore it isn't the type of story that is terribly clever written or one that is being strong with its horror/vampire aspects. At least this time around the story was easy and pleasant to follow, which again, is something I can't say about every Jesus Franco movie. Normally he really manages to mess up the storytelling, no matter how simple the actual story is. Luckily that isn't the case for this movie at all.It sounds amazing but here is a Jesus Franco movie I wouldn't mind seeing again.7/10 http://bobafett1138.blogspot.com/