Yawn. Poorly Filmed Snooze Fest.

Boring, long, and too preachy.

I wanted to like it more than I actually did... But much of the humor totally escaped me and I walked out only mildly impressed.

Blistering performances.

As a long-time fan of British horror of the golden age, from the 1950s to the 1970s, i have always has a special fondness for the 'portmanteau' form of storytelling. Usually comprising three to five short stories interlinked by a framing story, this device was well used by Amicus films in such gems as "Asylum", "The House That Dripped Blood" and "From Beyond the Grave".This BBC Christmas offering from a couple of years ago revived the format that has, i suppose, lain dormant since '80s US revivals such as "Creepshow" and "Tales from the Darkside". Written by actor and writer Mark Gatiss - no slouch when it comes to knowledge of the sinister side of the silver screen as his "History of Horror" documentaries proved - this tells us three tales involving the history of the sinister Geap Manor, relayed by a sinister museum curator (Gatiss) to a schoolteacher (Lee Ingleby).The first story is set in one of Gatiss' favourite historical periods (at least going by League of Gentleman sketches and his Doctor Who story "Phantasmagoria"): Georgian Regency England. Philip Jackson plays the vile Bloxham, a mercenary capitalist who gets his comeuppance when his cherished new wainscoting turns out to be made from the wood of Tyburn gibbet and inhabited by the restless souls of hanged men. This story generates a nice period atmosphere, helped by supporting performances from Julian Rhind-Tutt and Andy Nyman, but not very much fear despite the best efforts of Jackson and the sound designer - going for a "The Haunting" type approach that sadly fails to come off.The second story as far superior, some 1920s set whimsy at a party full of Waughian "Vile Bodies"-style Bright Young Things that slowly creeps into a tale of hushed family secrets, betrayal, and vengeance from beyond the grave. The legendary Jean Marsh, no stranger to the time of Charlestons and "Topping, what-what", appears as the grand dame of the family. I must confess, however, that my own attention was distracted somewhat by the gorgeous Anna Madeley as the haughty and snooty Katherine in her Cleopatra outfit. Ding dong, filly.The closing tale of this trilogy of terror is a continuation of the wraparound story, as Ingleby's character finds his antique doorknocker, having once adorned the threshold of Geap Manor, has turned the doorway of his suburban Barratt Home into a portal into the past. Ingleby's growing sense of fear and panic as the tale wears on is almost palpable, and when the horrific Abomiation appears in his front hall, crouched in the shadows before advancing like a Fuseli nightmare sprung to life, genuinely managed to spook this veteran of horror. While the revelation of the true nature of Gatiss' "caretaker" character and the twist ending are quite workoutable (is that a word? It should be), it is, as always, the journey that is important rather than the final destination.A cold collation to chill the cockles at Christmastime.

Writer, producer and star Mark Gatiss was hoping to revive the grand old BBC tradition of the Christmas ghost story with this trilogy of enthralling spooky tales - and he succeeds magnificently.The "crooked house" of the title is Geap Manor, a Tudor manor house that had a habit of "attracting unpleasantness", but which is now demolished. The first two episodes in the mini-series take us back into the house's past: to the Georgian era where a corrupt businessman discovers all is not well with the wainscoting in his newly renovated drawing room, and then to the 1920s where a flamboyant costume party is disrupted by a spectral bride. Finally, the trilogy is brought bang up to date with a contemporary tale which proves that the Manor's malign influence is very far from banished..."The Wainscoting" kicks off the series in fine fashion. Gatiss' ear for period dialogue is sheer delight. I'm not entirely sure what it means to get "boskey on blue-tape" but I have a pretty good idea! Gatiss clearly relishes the arcane language and flowery expressions, but cleverly ensures that they never alienate the viewer. It's refreshing to feel a script is not patronising its viewer for once, as opposed to the contemporary jargon that litters the likes of the recent series of "Merlin" or "Robin Hood". The story clatters along at a fine pace, neatly building the tension, as Joseph Bloxham (a charismatic and engaging central performance from Philip Jackson, who manages to make you sympathise with the fellow in spite of his dubious business ethics) becomes more and more perturbed by the noises in the woodwork. All of the cast are strong: John Arthur's comic turn as the disreputable Brummie builder Master Coil, Beth Goddard, who delivers a moving speech in tribute to her dead husband quite beautifully, and particularly Julian Rhind-Tutt, whose reminiscences of a disturbing incident at the Manor are a masterclass in screen acting.The story ratchets up the tension nicely, and the pay-off involving the wood's origins is unexpected and gruesome. A good example of a ghost story where less is more, and one that plays along with our fears of creaks and noises in the house at night!The second story brings a change of atmosphere and also a contrast in terms of the central protagonist. Where Bloxham was male, middle-aged and world-weary, our heroine in "Something Old" is the young, pretty Ruth, at the centre of a "ripping" 'Twenties costume party. This time it is an actual ghost plaguing the corridors of Geap Manor. But again, Gatiss' script is tightly plotted, lean and with some splendid dialogue. "Gloriana!" indeed! The wonderful Jean Marsh is by turns imperious, crotchety, motherly, passionate and vulnerable as the matriarchal Lady Constance, and she forms a lovely double act with Barbara Kirby's kindly lady's maid, Miss Adams. Our quartet of bright young things are all attractive and enjoy getting their teeth into a story of love triangles, jealousies and over-wrought passions: Anna Madeley's vicious Katherine is particularly wonderful. There are some great scares: not least being a hand snatching at Ruth from a cupboard, and the unexpected appearance of the bride hiding behind a bedroom door. The tension is ratcheted up for the climax when we learn exactly what happened at the wedding day in the past, and why Constance is so concerned. Her sacrifice at the end is a moving moment, and the relief in the old lady's eyes as she collapses into her sister's embrace quite touching.As glorious as the first two parts are, "Crooked House" saves its most disturbing episode till last. The collision of the past and the present makes "The Knocker" a particularly chilling conclusion, which neatly and satisfyingly wraps up the story. Lee Ingleby is simply wonderful as Ben, and charts the character's progression from relief at regaining his freedom as a single man, to hollow-eyed horror as he realises he has been the unwitting pawn of the diabolical Dr Unthank, and lost both his girlfriend and his baby into the bargain. As with the other stories, the chilling tone is lightened at moments by comedy, here principally provided by Ben's friend Jess (Julia Dalkin) whose response to his question: "What would you do if you actually found yourself in a ghost story?" made me laugh out loud. However, the appearance in Ben's hallway of the aptly named "Abomination", all the more frightening for being merely glimpsed, is "Crooked House"'s scariest moment.So a big thumbs up from this reviewer. The film looks glorious, has a wonderful cast, sophisticated dialogue and enough scares to send you to bed with nightmares. I'm hoping for a DVD release and more in the same vein next Yuletide. Oh and if you have the choice, watch all three back to back in the omnibus edition, as it works even better in that format!

What a wonderful, creepy and intriguing tale Mark Gatiss has presented for us here with the marvellous Crooked House.Set over three consecutive episodes, this story tells the tale of Lee Ingleby who plays a man who has unearthed an unearthly door knocker from his garden and goes to see the Cuator (Mark Gatiss) of an old museum who sheds light on its gruesome past of the now demolished Geap Manor.The supporting cast in this production is superb with Jean Marsh, Phillip Jackson, Andy Nyman and even a fleeting cameo from the magician Derren Brown as a shadowy character.I shall not give anything away as the plot is so intriguing it would spoil the ending. I'd recommend this drama for anyone who loves a good scare. I hope to see a few more episodes from Mark Gatiss as this format fits in perfectly for a full series of spooks and scares which would echo that of 'Tales of the Unexpected'.Ten out of ten!

Crooked House is set in modern day London where history teacher Ben (Lee Ingleby) has unearthed an old rusted, decaying door knocker that he has taken to a local museum where the curator (co-producer & writer Mark Gatiss) who show's an interest in the knocker says that he believes it came from the infamous now demolished Geap Manor. The curator goes on to say that the Manor has a bad reputation, Ben is intrigued & wants to know more so the curator tells him two ghostly tales all set inside Geap Manor...The first of the tales is called 'The Wainscoting' set in Georgian times during 1786 as rich businessman Joseph Bloxham (Philip Jackson) moves into the newly refurbished Geap Manor only to start hearing terrifying sounds coming from inside his brand new wood panelling...Next up to be told is 'Something Old' which is set during 1927 as a swinging costume party takes place in Geap Manor. Young heir to the estate Felix de Momery (Ian Hallard) announces his engagement to the beautiful & young Ruth Sykes (Jennifer Higham), soon after Ruth starts to see a mysterious woman dressed as a bride at the party & soon discovers a dark family secret that threatens both her & Felix...The curator then turns down the door knocker & Ben leaves. Ben now becomes the center of the third & final story called 'The Knocker' in which the evil legacy of Geap Manor finally catches up with the present...Originally shown here in the UK over three nights as three separate thirty minute episodes Crooked House has also been edited into a feature long omnibus horror anthology with the three stories running concurrently. However you see Crooked House I suppose it amounts to the same thing, it's a Tales from the Crypt (1972), Asylum (1972) or The Vault of Horror (1973) style horror anthology show in which three different ghost stories revolving around the same Manor house are told by the curator of a museum in the films linking wraparound segments. Each of the stories is set in a different & distinct time period & to be honest things get off to a poor start with the opening story The Wainscoting set in 1786, this is a forgettable bog standard haunted house story in which the new owner of a property hears ghostly noises & sees the odd ghostly happening before meeting a grim fate. This is pretty clichéd right down to the superstitious locals although I did like the plot revelation that the panelling in Geap Manor was made from wood taken from a set of gallows & the spirits of the men who hanged on it still haunt the wood, it's a potentially neat idea but nothing is done with it & the so-called twist ending in which Bloxham commits suicide by hanging himself is very predictable. Unfortunately things don't really improve with Something Old either, the first twenty odd minutes of this story is a total snooze-fest with the announcement of the engagement, a lot of forgettable dialogue & an odd out-of-place gay sexuality subplot that goes nowhere before a very rushed last ten minutes or so as the script tries to cram in as much exposition as possible about a tragic wedding that still literally haunts the Manor. Again Something Old is very standard stuff & actually feels like a bit of a rip-off of the Amicus horror flick --And Now the Screaming Starts! (1973) which also features a newly wed bride being terrorised by an old family curse at an English Manor house. Things improve considerably with the third & final story called The Knocker which is set during the present & involves Ben himself. There are actually one or two creepy moments in this one including a cool Rosemary's Baby (1968) moment. The Knocker actually has a couple of neat twist's & a good ending unlike the previous stories & feels the most horror orientated out of the three. None of the three stories are particularly great with the first two being rather poor but as a whole it's watchable I suppose & there are one or two nice moments to be seen & the final twist isn't too bad to be fair.The production values are fine, it looks a bit cheap at times & a little bit too staged but it's alright. Unfortunately there's a distinct lack of atmosphere which is a big problem for a supernatural horror anthology like this, there just aren't enough creepy moments in it. There are a few cheap jump moments like when the soundtrack is silent an alarm or telephone suddenly goes off, you know the sort of fake horror film scare that gets annoying. There's also a lack of any gore or violence, despite being shown fairly late at night this could probably pass for a PG rating. The acting is OK from a reasonable cast.Crooked House as either three separate parts or one big one edited together is nothing more than an average supernatural anthology show/film that didn't do much for me at all. Only the third & final story is worth watching to be honest & a lack of genuine scares, twist's, imagination & gore ultimately sink it without trace.