Truly Dreadful Film

Absolutely Fantastic

If you like to be scared, if you like to laugh, and if you like to learn a thing or two at the movies, this absolutely cannot be missed.

It really made me laugh, but for some moments I was tearing up because I could relate so much.

In the Biblical story from Genesis, God floods the world as Noah rescues his family and the animals in a gigantic ark. Despite the great cast 'Noah's Ark' is just embarrasing with dumb moments like Noah fighting with his son, F. Murray Abraham looking like a pirate and the costumes seem weird especially Noah's. Good talent got wasted in an awful 90's TV Mini-Series. (0/10)

Complete waste of four hours of time I'll never regrettably get back. I wish our local library would take it off the shelves. Their "poetic license" goes way beyond the boundaries of that definition. Complete travesty and pile of junk. For starters, Noah's sons AND THEIR WIVES entered the ark. Secondly, mankind remaining and the poor remaining animals were destroyed immediately by this epic point in history. Pirates?? Pirates such as depicted in this film didn't appear until circa 1700s or so.Most of this four hour travesty is spent adding bunk such as Lot gleefully breaking off his wife's salt-pillared finger to show off later in the film; a much too long pirate fight scene, and the mysterious Peddlar for whose presence in the film remains a complete unnecessary sporadic figure. The arguing, shrewish details cast upon Lot's wife, while completely ignoring or barely referencing the Rainbow's first appearance to mankind as a symbol of a covenant between God and Noah. The stupid, manic depictions of the survivors on the boat, which by the way, was SEALED by God until they landed. Ugh. Terrible, terrible movies. Bunk.How the great Jon Voight and Mary Steenburgen managed to get suckered into this adaptation of a beautiful Biblical story pummelled by the idiocy of modern screenwriters is beyond me.

If you know your scripture you will be horrified at what you see. I honestly think this was NBC's way of making a mockery of God's Word. I turned it off as soon as I saw the man in a row boat paddling up to the Ark. Revelation 22:18 I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, if any man shall add unto them, God shall add unto him the plagues which are written in this book:19 and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the tree of life, and out of the holy city, which are written in this book.

This has to be the most absurd story ever told. Not that it makes a difference that it was made into a movie but that people really watch this and believe that it really happened. Lets be honest here. Do you really think that two of ever animal marched step by step onto a boat 400 feet long that floated on a planet completely covered by water? Think about how much water it would take to cover the highest point on Earth, which is just over 29,000 feet. And assuming there is a God why flood the planet? Why not just kill off the bad evil people and spare Noah the trouble of building a boat. Some people might think that the story of Noah's Ark might make a good children's story but it is far from that. It is a story about genocide, horror and incest. I mean only Noah's family was spared so who else were they going to have sex with to repopulate the human race? And aside from that do you really suppose that Noah lived to be 500? Here is the issues with logic with the story of Noah's Ark:1. How were the animals gathered? Would have been a bit hard to find a polar bear in the desert.2. What about the special diets of the animals? How did they bring the food along? and how was it stored? What about storing fresh water?3.Getting all the animals aboard the Ark presents logistical problems which, while not impossible, are highly impractical. If only 16000 animals were aboard the Ark, one animal must have been loaded every 38 seconds, without letup.4. How do you explain the relative ages of mountains? For example, why weren't the Sierra Nevadas eroded as much as the Appalachians during the Flood?5. Are we to believe that after the Ark came to rest on Mt. Ararat that all the animals just wondered back to their present locations? 6. What happened to all the water that covered the Earth?I have made a fatal mistake here. I have used logic to explain something that makes no sense and is beyond absurd. Logic is something that people of faith do not like.John Voight must have been hurting for money to be a part of this project....