Too many fans seem to be blown away

A brilliant film that helped define a genre

There is just so much movie here. For some it may be too much. But in the same secretly sarcastic way most telemarketers say the phrase, the title of this one is particularly apt.

Yes, absolutely, there is fun to be had, as well as many, many things to go boom, all amid an atmospheric urban jungle.

This review have also been uploaded to my user page, Bml93, at Listal.comWell, what can you actually expect from a title with the name of Bikini Girls on Ice? It's not really a film you put on if you want to see top- notch quality. But is it a crime to put on a film like this, in hope for it to be entertaining? No, it's not. Bikini Girls on Ice is exactly what it sounds like in one way, and it's far from what one would expect in another, more crucial way. It's what you would expect in that the title delivers exactly what it says. Girls walking around in bikinis, only to be put on ice later. Unfortunately, the film doesn't deliver where it should deliver. It fails to fulfill the number one rule of slasher films. It's not entertaining.When you seek out films like this, there's only two things you need in order to be entertained. Some well-placed nudity (these are films for guys after all) and some cheap, imaginative and gory kills. This is supposed to be cheap entertainment in almost a "so bad it's good" way. If those two things are delivered, it's very easy to forgive things as atrocious actors portraying not particularly likable characters and an idiotic plot. But when the film fails to deliver those two things, you're left with a real turd.It's really hard to see what the director of this film was actually thinking? What creative reason did he have for choosing the decision that ruined the little hope this film had to come off as passable entertainment? You see, instead of filming stupid, hot and naked teenagers getting brutally murdered in the most unthinkable ways, writer/director Geoff Klein decided for a completely different approach to the material. He decided to have every kill offscreen. Instead of seeing people getting unmercifully maimed, Klein decided to show blood sprouting over the wall or the killer's face instead. Aside from one kill (who is painfully generic), every kill in this film is happening offscreen. It's beyond my belief how a 2009 film ended up by doing that.It doesn't even have that many kills in it. We're early in the film introduced to a bus load of bikini clothed females, but after some minutes of tame, supposedly erotic, car washing, half of the females just walks(!) away. We're cheated for four-five more kills in the most illogical and stupid manner possible. So Klein obviously thinks that seeing a few girls getting murdered offscreen in their bikins is enough to entertain. It's not. It's not nearly enough.It's quite simply a film that doesn't manage to compensate for it's awful script and acting. The film delivers girls dressed in bikins as the title promises, but it doesn't deliver any of the actual good things one would expect from a title like that. We're shown one set of boobs and actually shown one kill. The rest is offscreen, and that makes for really bad film.

The slasher genre is now over 30 years old (over 50 years old if dated to Hitchcock's Psycho), and like those indestructible bogeymen it just keeps going and going. BGOI is a truly awful testament to its longevity. The writer-director of BGOI should have spent just five minutes considering what Hitchcock (a director of suspenseful films) might have made of the truly dull opening scene - which was a portent of what was to come.After the credits, we are treated to an amusing quarter-of-an-hour of bikini-girl-comedy before the tone changes and the maniac resumes his 'Leatherface' impersonation in scenes which are totally out of kilter with the comedy-horror premise. One character after another walks into the shadows and, with predictable certainty, is bludgeoned with a mallet.The youthful cast do all that is asked of them and cannot be faulted for their efforts to make the most of what they are given.

If you are a horror geek you can't get a better title than Bikini Girls On Ice. One reason to give Geoff Klein (director and writer) a big cheer. Secondly, they knew how to promote their slasher, put a girl on the cover of the DVD wearing a revealing bikini, another cheer. So far the good points, sadly it's down hill from here on. It's really a slasher but one we have seen a thousand times. Nothing is explained about the killer, not who he is or why he's killing or why he use ice. Of course, once the girls have a break down with their bus on the way to a bikini car wash they've been warned by a local that something is terrible wrong with the abandoned gas station. The killer itself is believable but there is no gore in it. It's all filmed from the view of the victim so you only see him hitting and smashing heads. Now and then you see a bit of blood spurting on the lens. Just at the end it is enjoyable due the suspense given. And then there are of course the girls. Admit it, you not only watched it for the horror but also for the juggs. And it's a bit flat (no pun intended) on that way too. With a title like that you expect that the bikini's will be removed, well I have to disappoint you freaks, just one girl show her titties. And talking about their boobs, I guess the Americans will be disappointed by the 'natural' breasts by the girls. For the other geeks worldwide, there are no two-a penny fake tits wannabees. Maybe Suzi Lorraine has fake ones, she's the most loaded of them all. And have a look, the title really worked, I'm talking more about that than about the horror.

Bikini Girls on Ice starts as a group of several teenage college friends prepare to raise some funds by holding a bikini car wash where several hot teenage girls wearing very revealing bikini's will wash your car, for money. Brother's Blake (Tarek Gader) & Tommy (Ivan Peric) have laid on the transport, an old school bus that breaks down on the way to wherever they are going. Stuck at an old, seemingly abandoned gas station the girls decide to hold their bikini car wash there to make the best out of a bad situation. However all is not well as a psycho mechanic gas station attendant named Moe (William Jarand) start to kill them all one by one...This Canadian production was co-written, co-produced & directed by Geoff Klein & is really scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of entertainment value, basically Bikini Girls on Ice is one of the most simplistic & pointless films I can remember seeing. Even as a teen slasher Bikini Girls on Ice is shallow, a group of good looking teens, most of whom are virtually naked save for some skimpy bikini's, break down in an isolated area & then start getting killed by some psycho. Character background is none existent, we know the girls are friends but other than that they are cardboard cutouts, the killer is just a guy who doesn't say anything & whenever he kills someone he puts their body in ice for no apparent reason, we never discover who he is or why he is a psycho killer or even how he manages to keep a job as a mechanic down & the ending which suggest a sequel is baffling, I mean didn't one of the girls make it out alive? Didn't she like tell the police that some psycho killed all her friends? At only 80 minutes long Bikini Girls on Ice still drags badly, nothing & I repeat nothing happens between the killing & once the gimmick of seeing the female cast walking around in bikini's becomes boring there is zero else here to enjoy. There's no plot, there's no explanations, no reasoning & dumb character's you don't care about along with several groan inducing moments like the girls opening the car trunk at the end (how did Moe get inside the trunk, close it & return the keys to the gas station for the girls to find?), why when Moe attacks them don't the girls get back in the car & drive off after they injure him?The gore & kill scenes fail to impress & are pretty poor too, almost all of the murders are Moe hitting someone with something but the way the murders are shot it's filmed from the perspective of the victim so it just looks like Moe is hitting the camera lens & while there's a bit of blood splatter there's nothing graphic here apart from a gory slit throat which gushes blood is the films only proper special effect. Despite the title & obvious exploitation roots there's no real nudity, I think only one girl gets nude while the other's manage to keep their bikini's on. I will say that Bikini Girls on Ice is well made though, it has a certain slick look that isn't going to win any awards for style but looks polished.Filmed in Montréal in Québec in Canada the production values are better than expected but the film still sucks. The acting isn't great, the girls look nice enough but that's the best thing I can say about them.Bikini Girls on Ice has a great sounding title (the sort of title Troma would have dreamed up) but as a film it's the pits, the plot is as bare bones as they come, even for a teen slasher & it's nowhere near exploitative enough with little or no gore & not much in the way of proper nudity either.