I wanted to but couldn't!

A waste of 90 minutes of my life

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;

Like Robert Rodriguez's From Dusk Till Dawn from the same year, tongue-in-cheek horror Bordello Of Blood takes its inspiration from under-rated 1986 movie Vamp, but replaces that film's strip-club nest of vampires with a brothel full of bloodsuckers. Erika Eleniak stars as Katherine Verdoux, who hires private detective Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) to try and find her missing wayward brother Caleb (Corey Feldman). Guttman's investigation leads him to a funeral parlour, a front for the film's bordello, run by ancient vampire Lilith (Angie Everhart), who is under the control of TV evangelist Reverend Current (Chris Sarandon).Inferior to the previous Tales From The Crypt movie Demon Knight, due to its lack of originality and a surprisingly weak script from Back To The Future scribes Bob Gale and Robert Zemeckis, Bordello Of Blood still manages to be a fairly entertaining slice of schlock thanks to an excess of nudity and gore, with lots of silicon-enhanced vampire babes and impressive special effects that include Lilith tearing a victim's heart out with her tongue, a great decapitation, and lots of exploding vampires (as in From Dusk Till Dawn, a water pistol filled with holy water proves a messy way to destroy the undead).The very silly finale involves the use of Reverend Current's weapons-grade laser and guitar (props in his sermon) to defeat Lilith in full vamp-out mode. It's that kind of film.

Asked to look into her brother's disappearance, a private eye tracks him to a secret whorehouse hidden underneath a funeral home which houses a vampire coven run by a vicious vampire queen and together they team up to stop them from taking over the town.There's quite a lot to really like with this one. One of the film's better points here is the rather light-hearted and silly tone present here which gives this one quite the fun and enjoyable setup. It's a lot of fun to watch as a goofy, entertaining effort featuring the idea of the funeral home working in conjunction with the sanctity of the church, which isn't that original but it still works here in giving this one the kind of ironic and goofy set-up required for one of these efforts. Going alongside this is the manner of this one featuring the outside relics that are featured here, from the ancient talisman that controls her to the use of the protective applications to allow them to walk around in the daylight without injury and the manner of how they go ahead recruiting victims to their hideout which all makes the storyline incredibly fun and adds some nice sleaze to the proceedings. From the concept of the bordello offering plenty of fun here with the topless workers parading around for the unwary victims, the several attempts to engage in tortuous sexual acts using the different devices to hold them in order to feed and the numerous scenes involving them around the strippers or topless clientele gives this one quite a strong sleaze quotient which has a lot to like overall. That also likes the fact that the fun vampire antics here are rather fun, with the initial attacks on the patrons inside the brothel, the initial scene of the detective working through the investigation which gives this a solid and workable middle half that keeps this moving as well as some enjoyable vampire action in the finale as there's the fun of the massacre of the club workers, the different brawls in their underground hideouts and the final assault at the TV station has a lot of great moments with the vampire in control and the main resolution to stop them. Alongside the nice comedy and rather fun gore, there's a lot to like here to hold it up over the minor flaws featured. The main issue to be found here is the fact that there are way too many scenes that go on way too long to really let the jokes fizzle out before they have a chance to land. The opening in the tomb is quite overlong and lets the joke of his stature compared to the men go on way too long before she finally awakes, and the continuous jokes about the girl being in the stripclubs in the area makes for a one-note joke that takes up a whole scene of her interviewing the vampire and it just leaves this with overlong scenes that hold up the running time somewhat. Likewise, the amount of goofy cheese featured here might be too much for some to take because of this, and they really are what holds it back.Rated R: Nudity, Graphic Violence, Extreme Graphic Language, fetish sexual acts and mild drug use.

Bordello of Blood (1996) ** 1/2 (out of 4) When Katherine's (Erika Eleniak) brother Caleb (Corey Feldman) goes missing, she hires private eye Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) to find him. Guttman traces the brother to an old funeral home, which is also being used for prostitution and in a major twist the hostess Lilith (Angie Everhart) is a vampire.BORDELLO OF BLOOD was the second Tales from the Crypt movie that was made by Universal but after it turned out to be a box office disappointment it pretty much killed the series. That's really too bad because this one here is actually a decent exploitation movie that throws in a lot of gore and nudity as well as some comedy that works more than it doesn't.What I enjoyed most about this film is that it really crosses a line that most mainstream movies wouldn't do and that's basically become a rather trashy exploitation movie. There are all sorts of beautiful women on display here and the camera certainly doesn't shy away from their nude body parts. The introduction to the whore house is something that seems out of a drive-in flick from the 1970s and there are also some wonderful special effects, which include countless bloody death scenes.The film also benefits from a fun cast including Miller who does a very good job as the smart-mouthed jerk of a private eye who constantly has something funny to say. Eleniak is someone I really enjoyed watching back in the day and she too is good here. Feldman was making his return to the genre and he's a lot of fun as well, although it's too bad he goes missing throughout a large portion of the film. William Sadler has a cameo as a mummy and Chris Sarandon is also good playing a Reverend. Everhart is perfectly cast as the sexy vampire.As with DEMON KNIGHT, the biggest problem with this film is that it pretty much runs out of story and there's just not enough here to carry on the 87-minute running time. It's really too bad that a few more plot elements weren't thrown in but the final twenty-minutes really start to drag a bit, although the ending is great.

With Dennis Miller, you can expect that this will not be the usual Vampire movie. He makes constant references to movies, TV stars, and other personalities throughout. It is hard to believe that he didn't get writing credit as i imagine many of the lines were his. That's just a guess.Dennis certainly has his eyes on Erika Eleniak (Under Siege) throughout, as do we. Unfortunately, that is reserved for Steven Seagal.It also features Angie Everhart (First to Die) as the head vampire. The first fire-top on Glamour magazine, Angie didn't give us the display she had in Jade, but she was hot hot hot throughout. Unfortunately, she was really hot towards the end.Lots of gore and sexual innuendo.We did get treats from Kiara Hunter as Tamara, Leslie Ann Phillips as Patrice, and Juliet Reagh as Tallulah.