To me, this movie is perfection.

the audience applauded

Did you people see the same film I saw?

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

Although fiction may use real people and real events along with or instead of imaginary characters, my view is that it crosses the line and becomes an egregious act of slanderous defamation and calumnious denigration when it deliberately distorts the reality of a historically prominent figure and maliciously misrepresents the nature and character of that person. So, for example, to portray a known-to-be-non-violent person such as Jesus of Nazareth as being some kung-fu warrior who inflicts bodily harm upon others does way more than cross that line that ignores the reality of Jesus...it tries to form that line into another bloody cross and nail Him to it all over again! Although non-violent, Jesus is certainly no cowardly wimp. And not all students of His teachings are gonna just sit back and turn the other cheek so to speak while movie-makers merrily mock Him like He is some kind of circus clown or prophet puppet fashioned solely for their amusement! Woe unto thee, ye ungodly perpetrators of this cosmic crime, an evil attack against God and All Beings Holy and Divine! Woe unto thee, you mischievously wicked malcontents who peddle your dirty little damnation deed perhaps inspired by some demonically-flavored Satan-seed! Woe unto thee, ye blinded by darkness fools who squirm like slothful worms in the thick mud of night, trembling like broken twigs in the wind when confronted by the God of Life and Light! So to sum up this movie in just three words: Slander. Blasphemy. Sacrilege. To sum up Jesus in three words: I will not even attempt that one. There are no words adequate enough to even partially describe His gracious nature and charismatic personality. But to know Him is to love Him. And to love Him is to defend Him when others spit in His Face and trample all over His offers of mercy and grace.

I am not a Christian. I don't mind saying it. But this movie definitely crosses a line. Not necessarily a religious line, but more a line of incredibly horrific disbelief that (a) you are actually watching this and (b) this is really what it is.I was introduced to "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" by my friends, who said it was the most amazing movie ever (somebody must have obviously drugged them). I borrowed the DVD, and it basically gathered dust on my shelf for a month (at least) while I kicked myself for never getting the motivation up to watch it. When finally I did, I was immediately and ruthlessly scarred by the film's resoundingly bad songs, blindingly bad picture quality, and a sound mix that was appallingly awful to an ungodly (no pun intended) degree.The film depicts a Second Coming straight out of the imagination of a group of people obviously obsessed with the works of, say, Quentin Tarantino, Roger Corman, and George Romero-- in a vastly unhealthy manner. There's a lesbian shortage, which is a key plot device (an imbecilic one at that) since (and I'm just spit-balling here because the film is so vapidly incoherent) the female vampires can only prey on other females? When it comes to my tastes for... shall we say different interpretations or portrayals of Jesus Christ, I can stand anything from "Godspell" (which I love) to "The Greatest Story Ever Told" (which I kind of loathed). But I still don't understand any kind of point this movie had, except background noise for people who are trying to roll joints. Even if they had a shoestring budget (and I'm pretty sure they did), they could have done markedly better than this.

When producers, directors, and actors decide to do a B-movie, they walk a very fine line. Campy borders this line but can be pulled off well if acted and shot right (SPACEMAN being the prime example of how to do this successfully). But if they're not careful, they fall into the realm of "student film" or something that looks like a student film. And such was the case with Jesus Christ VAMPIRE HUNTER.I'm a pretty big low-budget, B-movie guy; I give these productions a lot of leeway when comparing them to large studio flicks simply because these small films don't have the money nor the marketing muscle that the big boys (Paramount, MGM, etc.) have. But my leniency can only stretch so far.The title of this film should give you a general idea that it isn't to be taken seriously. I mean, Jesus Christ returning to Earth only to battle a pack of lesbian lusting vampires? Just reading the back of the DVD box should dip your expectations. But, again, sometimes these little movies are worth a shot. Sometimes they surprise. Not so here.The production standards are, again, student film-ish, as is the acting. The screenplay tries to incorporate too many things and becomes a quagmire. Kung Fu, lesbianism, Jesus Christ Superstar, and several other historical film themes are unsuccessfully meshed together.The fact that the entire film was dubbed indicated two things: either the initial sound was terrible and had to be eliminated, or the filmmakers were trying (again) to add an old film theme to a somewhat newer idea. Either way, it failed to entertain.There are many good B-movie productions out there, so don't let this one film put you off. Search for them and you might find a few like this lame duck, but there are others that'll knock your film socks off.

I have seen a bundle of bad horror films and bad horror spoofs in my lifetime. This is an obvious choice for "Worst Bad Movie Ever". The acting was god awful but that isn't what made this movie stink. The action scenes were badly filmed and incredibly boring. The outfits were simply terrible the script was undefinable and the director must have been a mentally retarded monkey. The film moved so slow and none of the jokes worked. You didn't like any of the characters and you could care less about the entire film. Ten minutes in you know you are in for a hour plus coma-watch. I drank so much coffee before I watched this and during. It made no difference. Watching this movie is like swallowing a sleeping pill coated in bloody bile and traced with razor sharp edges. I'd rather cough blood up for the rest of my life than watch this movie ever again. The biggest flaw is that they cut Jesus's hair and beard off ten minutes into the film. That was a huge mistake. The whole movie hinged on the fact that the vampire hunter was Jesus. When you cut his hair and remove the beard you just have another retarded Canadian. Christ, this movie stank.