recommended

People are voting emotionally.

The story-telling is good with flashbacks.The film is both funny and heartbreaking. You smile in a scene and get a soulcrushing revelation in the next.

A clunky actioner with a handful of cool moments.

There are bad films, there are really bad films, and then there's LASER MISSION. Okay, so maybe LASER MISSION isn't quite as bad as all that – the fact that it's unintentionally funny all the way through means that it's got a surprisingly high level of entertainment – but it certainly marks the nadir of Brandon Lee's brief career. It's an amateur night offering, shot on the cheap and with awful editing on what looks like the lowest grade film stock imaginable. This so-called "movie" was the result of a collaboration between the USA and Germany, and add location shooting in South Africa to the international brew. You may think that the resultant wealth of input would have led to a halfway decent film, but it's a case of "too many crooks spoil the broth" in this instance.The title makes it sound like some sci-fi STAR WARS rip-off but in fact this is a run-of-the-mill spy thriller, with Brandon Lee's mercenary hero (who has his own theme tune in the form of 'mercenary man') battling evil Germans and Russians (one of whom is named 'Colonel Kalashnikov', believe it or not) for possession of a huge diamond that looks like it's made out of glass. The film basically involves Lee being captured, escaping, shooting lots of bad guys in bloodless displays of action, and engaging in lots of car chases with clapped-out motors. Ernest Borgnine's also on hand in an extraneous role as a scientist, and it's kind of fun seeing him run round with a rifle, shooting people – reminded me of THE WILD BUNCH made some 21 years before this. But it's also kind of sad.There's no denying that Lee was an athletic actor and there's some fun to be had from watching him dropkick the bad guys. But his acting is a little flimsy here, and his attempts at comedy are pretty poor. But compared to his love interest, played by Debi Monahan, he's an Oscar winner. The dialogue between these two is groan-inducing and Monahan is the typical blonde bimbo in low cut attire, although to be fair she does take more of a role in the action than is usual. As for the villains, we have good old Werner Pochath, typecast as the villainous German as usual, and Graham Clarke as the ineffectual Russian.The story is dotted with awful 'comic relief' some of it coming from a pair of Cuban soldiers – one man, one woman – who make the worst double act I've seen in a while. There's no denying the overacting in this film. The UK DVD is amusingly rated PG, although the last time I checked, the BBFC guidelines didn't allow f-words, headbutting and back-breaking in PG rated films. Really, this film is awful. From the cheesy one-liners to the scenes which reference COMMANDO, you don't get much worse – which is why this sort of stuff is just up my street. Best of all are the numerous silly/unbelievable things going on, from our heroine crossing the desert in high heels to our hero getting shot in the stomach and shrugging off the wound! The back of the box doesn't even relate to the real plot and why title a film LASER MISSION if you're not going to put any lasers in it? Why not just call it DIAMOND MISSION or something? If you like bad movies, you're in for a treat with the ultra-poor LASER MISSION.

Laser Mission finds Brandon Lee as an independent contractor who occasionally works for the CIA, kind of like a private eye on retainer. And like the private eyes of the Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe mold, he earns the enmity of the regular CIA operatives the way those detectives were hated by the regular cops.Would that Laser Mission be only approaching the quality of a Dashiell Hammett or Raymond Chandler work. What Brandon's mission is, is to get both scientist Ernest Borgnine and a big Hope Diamond like diamond out of the hands of some Russian and Cuban operatives working out of some nameless East African nation. These guys want to build the biggest laser weapon ever and start shooting down planes, missiles, anything that flies. Sad to say that times overtook Laser Mission, as it was coming out the Cold War was coming to an end. Not that this film was destined to be a classic in any event. The Russians and Cubans are some of the dumbest villains ever, you'd have to go back to the worst World War II era flag-wavers to find villains as dumb as these.Unless you like Brandon Lee's karate moves, skip this one.

Doesn't anyone else wonder how in the hell they DROVE ACROSS THE Atlantic OCEAN?! Funniest thing I ever learned from a movie: Apparently the border of Cuba is not the Atlantic Ocean, but a mostly desert covered country of Africa (Namibia, maybe?). Holy God. The main girls voice was just horrible, she was so unattractive too...ick. Great how they didn't get any sweat stains while trekking through the desert for days on end, and how they kept running across random henchmen who were just wandering around there too. Made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. Oh, and who could forget the ninja jumping out of NO WHERE and being dispatched in like 3 seconds flat? They just had to add the ninja. Best disgustingly awful movie ever, terrible in an awesomely horrible way. If you're into awesomely-bad stuff, check it out.

Diamond + Lasers = Nuclear Weapons?This movie was the best movie, it was love at first sight. Right from the get-go it had me hooked. The movie starts out with a sensational series of opening credits, displaying the massive arsenal of themes, motifs, and symbols throughout the movie.The setting of this movie I'm not really sure of the location, it must be somewhere in Africa/cuba/Russia/poland/Germany/.....??? er... just ignore this paragraph.Why is this movie great? The action was sooo intense, the entire movie was random shooting and getting more weapons and shooting more. It reminded me of a Bond Shooter game except with less plot. The climax of this movie is when the information is released concerning the female sergeant's gender.In conclusion this movie contains: -edge of the seat action -more explosives than the fourth of july -one line wonders to knock your socks off -random killings/ninjas -Effective transitions connect the movie. -Random slapping of Manuel. -What?.... you're still reading this? -Just get the movie someway or somehow! -warning no mooses are involved in this movie whatsoever.(this movie is in public domain, search for it!)