The greatest movie ever made..!

There is just so much movie here. For some it may be too much. But in the same secretly sarcastic way most telemarketers say the phrase, the title of this one is particularly apt.

I wanted to like it more than I actually did... But much of the humor totally escaped me and I walked out only mildly impressed.

It's a movie as timely as it is provocative and amazingly, for much of its running time, it is weirdly funny.

I bought the VHS version new for USD $1. A bargain considering renting this kind of video would have cost $3.50 in the same shopping strip. The overall quality of the video is very good. There were 3 picture flickers and one purple line coming down the screen on my copy. Cute Babe rating is B+. Could have been higher with bigger budget lighting and makeup artistry. The slow motion love scenes seemed jumpy from frame to frame. Mabey producers tried to save money by doing with less and stretching it out rather than doing more in real time. While the actual action was okay the slowness made me antsy to get on with the show. Performers speak clearly enough but the sound track in parts got louder and softer. Hence I had to adjust the volume at times. Mabey I got a factory second quality video at the dollar store but probably it's the same as other copies. It's a good movie to watch if your friends like to talk during the show. The plot is simple enough that you won't miss much. Recommended for adult viewers with time to pass for 73 minutes.

Let me begin by saying I'm a Susan Featherly fan. She's #9 on my Skinemax Top 10, and I try to watch as many movies of hers as I can; she usually does a good job in them. However, "Passion Crimes" was not one of her best films.Susan (using the alias Jen Dike in this film) plays Heather, a corporate attorney who has been pressed into criminal duty by her boss and on-again/off-again boyfriend, Jack. Her new client is Harry, accused of murdering his wealthy wife, Raquel (Diana Espen, aka hardcore pornstress April Flowers). It was Harry's "registered" knife that had Raquel's blood on it. Excuse me while I say that "registering" a knife is a ridiculous idea. This is exactly why the "Story" grade took a beating.Harry is sleeping with the maid, Rosa (Lauren Montgomery), whom his wife hired. It seems that she's trying to get her citizenship, but she sounded awfully American to me. Where's she from, Canada?Soon enough, Heather begins sleeping with Harry, and as she does with Jack, she mixes business with pleasure. Heather uncovers some evidence that apparently implicates Harry in the murder of his wife. On top of all that, Rosa gives her information that will surely put Harry behind bars for a very long time. Spoilers are imminent; be warned. Apparently, Raquel has not been murdered, but instead she was kidnapped. A dirty cop has been conspiring with Raquel's jealous, vindictive sister Lorisa (Kimber Eastwood) to extort money out of her father, money Lorisa claims was hers all along. This means Harry is innocent, right? Nope. Before he married Raquel, he was sleeping with Lorisa, and they made a deal that he would marry her and kill her Lorisa could get the money. A bit far-fetched. One really has to suspend disbelief here.Let's talk about the sex a bit. Mostly lots of slow hugging, with a bit of gyrating but not much. Even though there's a sex scene every 4 and a half minutes or so, they're not very good. In fact, they're average at best. A couple of decent ones in there, but I usually prefer quality over quantity. This wasn't a tapeworthy film at all, not even for the sex scenes.Women: B (A good-looking group, but no true "babes" in the bunch. Heather's two friends were the best looking in the group. As always, Susan Featherly was great.)Sex: C- (Lots of slow hugging and caressing going on, but no hot bump-and-grind action.)Story: D- (I'll give the writers credit for trying to throw a plot twist in there, so I won't give this film an F for the "Story" grade. Let's just say it wasn't very good, from the "registered" knife to the preposterous ending. I'm comparing this movie to films of its own genre, mind you, and I'm saying it wasn't very good.)Overall: D+ (Susan Featherly made a real turkey here. The only treat was to see her glide across the screen. She's actually a decent actress, despite all the softcore films she does. I can't move her up from the #9 spot, however; not after seeing this. Avoid it if you can, and don't waste any time taping it either.)

As the movie ends on HBO,with yet another cheesy sex scene, I am so appalled by how truly crappy this movie is. Although I do not expect much other than laughs from late night cable movie network softcore flicks, this one is one of the worst. The plot is impossible to follow, the sex scene are terrible. No noise just cheesy world music and the positions they are in remind the imagination that they are not even having sex, half the time he is bumping her in the thigh and when performing oral, his head is usually down by her knees. The girl is fairly hot, thats the only plus. The camera shots and angles look they were put together by an eight year old. If your looking for comedy, watch this film, if your looking for sex, rent a porno.

Cheap (and it shows), boring smut about a rich woman (Jen Dike) who is kidnapped and her sex addicted husband as the prime suspect but he doesn't seem to care because he's sleeping with just about every woman (including his maid and lawyer). If you rented this trash for the erotic (soft-core) sex scenes (played in slow motion), it's probably better to fast forward; otherwise, you'll be bored just waiting. Better yet, rent a porno film. My evaluation: (no stars).