Really Surprised!

Nice effects though.

Very good movie overall, highly recommended. Most of the negative reviews don't have any merit and are all pollitically based. Give this movie a chance at least, and it might give you a different perspective.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

I expected more from the 1986 film, Pirates. When I saw Walter Matthau was the main character and that Roman Polanski was the director, I had high expectations that were dispelled the moment Matthau's character Captain Red bit the buttock of his faithful fool, a Frenchman he calls Frog. This stereotypical name is perhaps the high point of humour in the disjointed and aimless film. The officers of the Spanish galleon are all dressed as if they are courtiers at Versailles, while the cabins are furnished as lavishly as any of the Sun King's rooms. In fact, Polanski doesn't seem to be aware that he is making a film centred round a Spanish galleon. Clichés extend to the overuse of enemas by a ship's physician whose remedies are implicitly responsible for the captain's death; though he expires just after confessing his doubt in God's existence,thus revealing himself to be worthy of redemption. The priest who confesses him is another sanctimonious cliché who is apparently intended to represent the harshness of the Spanish Inquisition, who blithely confesses pirates and criminals to be garroted. The only notable female in the film is María-Dolores de la Jenya de la Calde, played by Charlotte Lewis. It is easy to understand why she is not well-known and why she hasn't made any films for 13 years, though she was only 19 when she played María-Dolores de la Jenya de la Calde; this character was particularly vacuous and vain insisting that her ransom should be 30,000 doubloons instead of 3,000, and asking her uncle to agree that her honour is worth more than a kingdom, when she is about to be raped; at the same time, he coy smile implies that she hopes Frog does rape her. There are no heroic characters, nor even interesting villains. Damien Thomas, who plays, Don Alfonso de la Torré, the officer who takes over command of the galleon, the Neptune, after the death of Captain Linares, gives the most competent performance as a would-be ruthless schemer though he proves to be a foiled fop through a series of slapstick accidents that are obstacles to development of any sensible storyline as much as they are to any entertainment value in the film. All in all, a dreadful experience.

Back before Johnny Depp revolutionised the pirate movie with his camp ways there were the odd rum fuelled flicks such as this. Roman Polanski doing what he does best which is creating lavish productions that tend to not be overly successful at first but gain cult status.The story is naturally a typically salty one involving Walter Matthau's 'Captain Red' and his young French sidekick trying to pinch a golden throne from some fancy pant Spaniards. At the same time there is of course a love interest for the young dashing French sailor, mutinies, plenty of galleon boarding from both sides and lots of skullduggery on land and at sea. I think this film is very similar to 'The Fearless Vampire Killers' in the fact that its actually kinda dull but looks beautiful. All the pirates, especially Matthau, look as they should do, covered in dirty rag-like attire, greasy facial hair, deep tans, golden teeth...every bit the stereotypical swashbuckling sea dog. I was quite intrigued with the wooden leg Matthau's Captain has, it really looks like he has a real wooden peg leg! and this is before CGI folks, impressed. On the flip side the Spanish look perfectly rich, aristocratic, pompous, snooty and dignified in their very impressive duds. The wigs sell the whole look if you ask me, really authentic looking.I was also very impressed with Matthau's cockney English accent. He genuinely does a sterling job with it and comes across not American that's for sure. At the same time Damien Thomas as the preening perfume smelling 'Don Alfonso' is by far the stand out performance. You can truly see the disgust and contempt in his face for the wretched pirate scum, I really enjoyed his peacock-like display of regal superiority.All the characters and extras look great and are accompanied by some luscious tropical locations and some nice olde worlde period ports (real locations). Did I mention the ship yet? no? well lemme tell you, it looks awesome. Fully realised to scale with a working motor so it can sail, completely detailed from top to bottom with everything you'd expect to see on a 17th Century Spanish vessel.Yep its all visually stunning with good performances but unfortunately that's about it. There is very little of interest going on plot wise, the film is way too long and there isn't that much swashbuckling going on surprisingly. This isn't a silly fantasy flick nor is it a historically accurate flick, but it does bring a more down to earth approach to the genre. There isn't much flamboyant heroics here ladies and gentlemen, more like backstabbing with every man for himself, more genuine. No way is it as bad as suggested and I'm not sure why it didn't do better at the cinema, its a solid romp. Think along the lines of Richard Lester's Three Musketeer movies but with less comedy.6/10

PIRATES Aspect ratio: 2.39:1 (Panavision)Sound format: 6-track Dolby Stereo(35mm and 70mm release prints)A crafty pirate (Walter Matthau) and his young French sidekick (Cris Campion) cross swords with the villainous captain of a Spanish galleon (Damien Thomas).Director Roman Polanski's return to commercial film-making after a seven year absence (following TESS in 1979) was a critical and commercial disappointment. His quirky humor doesn't translate to the period (unlike, say, his Hammer pastiche DANCE OF THE VAMPIRES), and he directs the action scenes with a clunky imprecision that almost sinks the entire project. On the plus side, however, Matthau's performance is appropriately larger than life, while newcomers Campion and Charlotte Lewis provide eye-candy of the highest order. A stellar supporting cast (Roy Kinnear, Bill Fraser, Ferdy Mayne, Anthony Dawson, Ian Dury, et al) romps amiably through lavish production values, all wasted on this empty-headed nonsense. Watchable, but unsatisfying.(English version)

What is it about famous directors and pirate movies? Spielberg famously completed "Hook" while he took a break from directing "Schindler's List" and the great Roman Polanski gives us "Pirates". I'd love to know what was on his mind at the time - what was he thinking about because clearly something was occupying his thoughts. This is muddled, poorly cast and way too dull to be a proper pirate movie.Walter Matthau is roped in to play Captain Red, a scurvy sea-dog with an occasional East London accent (it changes from time to time, for some reason) and a French companion called Frog (Cris Campion). Together, they drift on the high seas starving and thirsty until they are fortunate enough to come across a Spanish galleon, led by the villainous Don Alfonso de la Torré (Damien Thomas). After leading the crew on a mutiny, Captain Red believes his luck may be about to change for the better. But the Spanish have other ideas...Before I start to list the things I don't like about "Pirates" (and it is a list, sadly), I have to say that the costumes look fantastic. Couldn't fault those at all. Captain Red looks like a real pirate (pegleg and all) while the Spanish are all decked out like the foppish dandies that they are, curled wigs and thin moustaches. Top notch. The ship that forms the basis of the power struggle, the Neptune, also looks incredible. Having spent a fair amount of time on a replica ship of a similar nature, I feel that the Neptune is a fine vessel and looks perfectly at home on screen. Sadly, the same amount of effort was not given to the story or direction. Polanski seems to have had an off-day here, for whatever reason, as the film takes ages to hit its stride and when it does, you are far too bored to care. This is also a major problem with the casting. All the Spanish characters speak in perfect Queen's English, a mismatch not exactly helped when they look like courtiers in the court of Charles I.Only Matthau seems to have any interest in the thing, growling and hobbling his way through the picture while almost everyone else looks as blank as a sheet of printer paper. Campion's French accent is barely noticeable and the strange black guy in the brig (I think he was a chef but I can't remember his name or the actor who played him) had the word "quota" stamped all over him. This wouldn't be so bad if he served any purpose but he doesn't. As the film progresses, it turns into a sort of "Carry On Walking Up The Plank" with terrible cross-dressing, farcical fight scenes and yo-ho-hoeing for all they are worth. Pirates of the Caribbean was more realistic than this and I'm talking about the Disney ride! In short, it does nothing to further anyone's career and is probably ideal if you're having trouble sleeping. Unless you must watch every Polanski film ever made or you fancy the frankly bizarre sight of Michael Elphick trying to sound Spanish, there isn't much to recommend here.