Tied for the best movie I have ever seen

I have absolutely never seen anything like this movie before. You have to see this movie.

Just intense enough to provide a much-needed diversion, just lightweight enough to make you forget about it soon after it’s over. It’s not exactly “good,” per se, but it does what it sets out to do in terms of putting us on edge, which makes it … successful?

It is encouraging that the film ends so strongly.Otherwise, it wouldn't have been a particularly memorable film

When I first started really using IMDb I used to think it a bit weird that Dante Tomaselli films got such low ratings. Long before I frequented this site I read praising reviews of each one on one of the other sites I use to feed my interest and always thought he was some kind of indie notable even without seeing his films, only to read the round disdain on here and be rather shaken. Actually watching them though, it all becomes clear. I don't mean this in a derogatory sense, but his films are very much an acquired taste even within the realms of low budget independent horror. Still, I liked his earlier Desecration and I like this one as well. Satan's Playground tells what one might think is among the most standard of stories, a family travelling through the woods suffer a breakdown, only to find in searching for help that bad, bad things await in the woods. At first a crazed matriarch and her retarded spawn seem the main problem, but there's more out there than that. What with a bunch of cultists and an unseen flying menace (clearly Evil Dead inspired) along with a crazy family and the whole lost in the woods paranoia bit, all or at least most of the backwoods terror bases are covered. The interesting thing is that other than a connection between said crazy matriarch and the flying beast (its the Jersey Devil and the classic mythology is referred to) there isn't really anything holding the assorted menaces together, its just a matter of this stretch of wood being infested with bad stuff and our luckless family lumbering into it all. Now one of the biggest criticisms of the film is that the characters act like morons. They do. In a film aiming for some kind of relative realism the character actions would be indefensible from a critical point of view but I don't think that is the intention here. Rather Satan's Playground seems an effort to be backwoods horror at its purest, all logic and realism, all the connective tissue of sanity and relatable decisions boiled away to fetid skeleton. Strange, unpleasant things happen and the cast is mindlessly drawn in because the film isn't about the characters but the horror show. In fact with the number of times people say "I'll be right back" or variants thereof, events seem a smiling embracement of clichéd illogic. Of course any claims about point or purpose will come down to whether you dig the style. For me, though Tomaselli is undoubtedly flawed as a writer he has a real flair as a director. Cool aerial shots, smart compositions, well dispersed jolts and the odd passage of suspense, its a well handled ride with virtual roller-coaster pace. I was reminded a little of House of 1000 Corpses and even The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in the sense of gleeful insanity, though unfortunately also in the lack of gore. Like both of those films Satan's Playground really needed significant graphic punch, but it only achieves it once with a sweet throat slicing. Outside of that there isn't much bloodshed at all though, practically criminal as there are a few stabbings and lots of hammer blows to heads. Its a real shame as with more on screen nastiness this could have been a gem, but it just feels a bit defanged. At least the cast give their all, on the side of the angels Ellen Sandweiss and particularly Felissa Rose get put through a bit of a wringer and acquit themselves with compelling power. The villains are better though, Edwin Neal a creepy pleasure with his limited screen time as a creepy retard, Christie Sanford unsettling as his sister and veteran Irma St. Paul a blast in one of her last few roles as evil Mrs. Leeds. One of the more memorable crazed old ladies I've seen in a while, her doddery derangement is thoroughly watchable and even chilling. The sound design and scoring is on the money as well, creaks, cracks and cries effective and music of macabre lullabies, carnival mania and mournful drones. Its a classy package, but the aforementioned lack of gore really hurts it, as does absent character development and a somewhat weak close. Still, as a fan of weird low budget horror this one definitely satisfied my cravings, strong 6/10

This movie tries to blend ideas from several cult horror flicks from the 70s and 80s but fails rather miserably at pulling it all off. A grating Italian-American family consisting of husband Frank (Salvatore Paul Piro), wife Donna (Felissa Rose, of SLEEPAWAY CAMP fame), their mentally-retarded son Sean (Danny Lopes), Donna's sister Paula (Ellen Sandweiss) and Paula's infant son Anthony (Marco Rose) are headed somewhere in their station wagon and decide to take a short cut through the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Their car gets stuck in some mud, Frank decides to walk off somewhere to get help and ends up stumbling upon a creepy old house inhabited by an elderly palm reader named Mrs. Leeds (Irma St. Paule). Mrs. Leeds claims to have thirteen children, but only two of them - Boy (Edwin Neal) and Judy (Christie Sanford) - still live with her. All three of them turn out to be psychotic. They kill Frank and then set their sites on the rest of the family; basically killing anyone else who happens to wander into their path. Oh yeah, and there's also some kind of creature ("The Jersey Devil") flying around in the woods killing people that we never actually get to see.The director has no problem citing his two primary sources; the POV floating-through-the-woods camera-work of THE EVIL DEAD (1981) and the warped backwoods family of THE T EXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974), here. Sandweiss naturally co-starred in the former; Neal in the latter. The character of Judy - a childish, deranged adult woman in pigtails who seems obsessed with babies - was copied directly from the so-so A MERICAN Gothic (1987). There are references to other horror films here too, if you want to look for them. What I had a major problem with was how moronic the characters were. Not only are they unlikable, they do one stupid thing after another throughout the movie. Some of the things that occur over the course of this film make absolutely no sense. And no, I'm not stupid enough to buy into the supposed "abstract nightmare logic" some people claim this movie has. Stupid is stupid.At one point, a policeman shows up at the sinister home to investigate. Ms. Leeds tells him that muffled screams he's hearing from the basement are a cat, so he just leaves (!), goes back to his car and is killed by the invisible flying monster thingy. The next shot reveals that the police car is parked within just a few feet of the stranded family's car... which two of the characters are still sleeping in! So let me get this straight. The policemen sees a car parked in the middle of the road but doesn't even check on it? And the people inside the car don't hear him driving up the road, see his lights or hear him pulling up. And they don't hear him screaming when he's being killed? "Nightmare logic" or pure idiocy? You be the judge.One of the characters survives the night and ends up in the safety of a hospital to recount the tale to police. So what happens next? Does the policeman do what all other policemen on the planet would do when faced with a potential massacre and organize a heavily-armed posse to raid the home? Nope! He just drags the survivor back to the house of horrors all by himself with no backup whatsoever. And the two examples listed above are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to "Yeah... right" moments.The locations are decent and the director throws in a couple of nicely-composed shots here and there (though the overdone POV shots get old after awhile). There's also a corker of a gore scene where a guy has throat cut and blood gushes out all over the place. Other than that, I didn't really care for this. The acting isn't very good, the characters are dull and moronic and the plot line is a nonsensical mess. I found myself more annoyed than entertained.

Fangoria gives Satan's Playground 3 1/2 stars. Fangoria creates a buzz and excitement, the cast and crew will be at their convention! Fangoria charges admission to sit and listen to cast and crew discuss Satan's Playground. Quite a little racket. Sub-level horror filmmakers seem stuck in an almost raptured love of 70's and 80's Exploitation/Slasher horror. Certainly no masterpieces themselves they still have a sentimental place in the heart of horror fans who grew up being scared by them. These films marked a milestone in the genre, shockers for the time, I'm sure those iconic directors never imagined they would be copied, and copied...and copied. Nothing about this film is original. In fact, it's such a tacky copy of a combination of much earlier films that rather than being an homage, it insults the originals by claiming it's something new. The plot is so typical, so (I SWORE I wouldn't write it but I have to) cliché, yet without any merit or reason. A family is stranded in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. One by one they wander off and are poorly dispatched by the obligatory crazy family who look like they're taking a break from a really bad community haunted house. UGH, just writing that makes me mad. The director rips off film shots and styles relentlessly. Rushing cameras follow the "girl in peril" as she screams her head off through the woods. The camera rushes up to a front door for no reason. A snake is placed on a table and reacts on cue for no reason. The timing and plot devices are disastrous. Then there is the acting. The lead female looks way too young for her part. The biggest twist was when I discovered she was married to the older man and had an EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD SON. No one in the film is in the least bit attractive, a must for bad horror. The old hag woman coasts along on her appearance alone, which is so...copied. At least give us something soft to rest our eyes on. Ugh,mad again. The most cardinal sin in my humble opinion is you can't even laugh at it. If you're not going to scare or disturb at least entertain. I hope I never find out how much the budget was for this pile, because if it was fifty cents it was too much. The DVD should come with a full rebate. I watched this on Netflix instant play mainly because I have an exact replica of the door knocker that's in the poster art. It's a nice door knocker, wrought iron and well made. I can't bring myself to display it though, not because I think it's creepy in any way (which it isn't) but because it's just SO tacky. It figures prominently in this. Yes, it's very, very tacky. Fans turn to horror reviewers because they want to know if a film is worth buying. We expect honesty, not shilling for profit or nepotism. Being this off base is infuriating.Fangoria should be ashamed of itself.

I can honestly say that I have never seen such anon-entertaining film. Its pretty bad when a slasher flick manages to be boring. But this movie is both boring and repetitive.Basically, here goes: Family of fools breaks down on the side of the road. One by one, they ask a family of murderous psychopaths for help. One by one, they get murdered. There is no acting in this film. Everyone says their lines as if they're made out of wood. The set is just some abandoned house. The AV quality is mediocre. The plot is close to non-existent (knock on door, DIE). The Villains are one-dimensional and utterly unbelievable. This movie is an utterly cheap piece of trash.