This is How Movies Should Be Made

everything you have heard about this movie is true.

Good films always raise compelling questions, whether the format is fiction or documentary fact.

A clunky actioner with a handful of cool moments.

A college computer nicknamed "Thinko" picks a woman with 13 university degrees to head up the campus science department. Expecting an academic-looking spinster, public relations man Martin "Marty" Milner is surprised to greet Mamie Van Doren at the train station, a stripper nicknamed "Tassels" who has a high IQ and measurements to match (she also speaks 18 languages: "What's the 18th?" .. "English."). Milner (also an associate producer) and Van Doren are an enervated pair; better are Norman "Woo Woo" Grabowski as the captain of the football team who is afraid of girls and Tuesday Weld as a co-ed desperate to get pinned. Brigitte Bardot's sister Mijanou makes her one and only screen appearance as a Frenchie doing her thesis on the human male, Jackie Coogan apes W.C. Fields, John Carradine is hypnotized into joining Tassels on the dance floor, and Conway Twitty wrote the songs. Cult film has all the ingredients for a great B-movie...everything, alas, but a funny script. * from ****

A couple of things. Mamie Van Doren and Tuesday Weld. They are the minimum interest in this completely unfunny, shallow, dim, laugh-less, and absolutely atrocious attempt at broad humor and low-brow shenanigans.Its only train-wreck appeal is the aforementioned beauties. Everything else misses the mark and cannot be redeemed even by those who love to tout its outdated tendencies and point to all the "talent" on the screen.Mamie, as always, does her best and wears a trademark shiny, skin-tight dress in one segment that is the standout in this hard to get through parade of "didn't anyone notice that this wasn't the least bit funny" one-liners, slapstick, and cheapness. Watch it if you must to laugh at it and not with it, but the bottom line is that this is just sad.The remarkable thing is its ability to take so many easily recognizable Characters Actors that apart from this, have done reasonably good work and manage, after all, to put on the Screen a Monkey that outshines everyone.

Hey any movie with a young Tuesday Weld is watchable. Yeah this movie is very campy but it has some good scenes as far as I am concerned. There are several pretty well known actors in this movie. Mamie Van Doran, Tuesday Weld, Jackie Coogan (Uncle Fester), Martin Milner, Louis Nye, and John Carradine. Conway Twitty even has a part and sings. How a stripper gets 13 degrees is beyond me but I guess with an IQ of 268 anything could happen especially in a movie!! Bridget Bardot's sister even has a role here as an exchange student. I was actually surprised by Van Doran's acting ability, it was not top notch but a lot better than I expected. I thought she mostly be just covered T & A but not so.

This movie has it all. There's Mamie van Doren as a super-intelligent professor/tassel-tosser. There's her pet monkey that plays the piano and the drums. There's a robot. There are gangsters. There's a ten-minute dream sequence of topless strippers. There's a high-speed firetruck driving scene with lots of nice 50s cars. There's Mamie making an introduction to her new students by shooting two revolvers all over the lecture room. Mamie shooting at the camera with a fire extinguisher. Conway Twitty singing rock'n'roll. Vampira making an appearance as a shaggy lab assistant. Brigitte's sister Mijanou Bardot sweet-talking as a French exchange student. What more could you possibly want? 103 minutes (uncut), never a dull moment. This is entertainment. If you are looking for something clever, you don't pick a movie named "Sex kittens go to college" anyway.