Zeta One
Zeta One
R | 22 June 1975 (USA)
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Women around the globe begin disappearing when a renegade race of top-heavy aliens from the planet Angvia begin snatching them off the streets.

Reviews
Stellead

Don't listen to the Hype. It's awful

Dynamixor

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

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Kaydan Christian

A terrific literary drama and character piece that shows how the process of creating art can be seen differently by those doing it and those looking at it from the outside.

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Marva

It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

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wilvram

Surely one of the most tatty, inept, and certainly most bonkers productions from a British studio since 'Fire Maidens From Outer Space' over a dozen years previously, it seems Zeta One was originally planned on a considerably more ambitious scale, only to soon run into financial trouble.John Hamilton, Tony Tenser's indispensable chronicler, reveals that construction work on the studio had still not been completed during shooting. James Robertson Justice didn't have a proper dressing room and understandably was not pleased. Not in the best of health following a stroke the year before, he made sure he was out of the mess at the first opportunity. Anyhow he's completely wrong, and not in any good way, as the sadistic Major Bourdon. They'd have done better to have cast the amazonian Nita Lorraine, the 'Angvian' failing to keep a straight face in the fight scene (and briefly memorable wielding a whip in 'Curse Of The Crimson Altar') as Zeta's adversary, or to take it to a further stage of silliness, Rita Webb, who puts in an appearance as a bus conductor with Charles Hawtrey in a scene that misses a chance to be funnier.Robin Hawdon's James Word, so called apparently so they could use a hilarious tag-line on the lines of 'His Word is our Bond' and whose main activity seems to be confined to between the sheets, only function is to attempt to make sense of what passes for the narrative. Mission impossible. One flashback confusingly ends with him in bed with one of the Angvians before switching to him in the same bed with Yutte Stensgaard, as part of the framing device. A typically inane scene toward the end sees him drive up to a field, go through a hedge and then wander around, then back to the car for some waterproofs. And that's it. Meanwhile Dawn Addams' Zeta remains a peripheral figure throughout.At least Zeta can boast Johnny Hawksworth's jazzy, driving opening score, and the costume department made delightful use of their minuscule budget on the wigs and outfits, if that is the word, of Zeta's followers: Valerie Leon, for one, can rarely have looked more alluring. Anyhow, once the deadly tedious opening sequence was out of the way, it was more fun than the laboured attempts at humour of Joe Losey's infinitely more prestigious 'swinging sixties' spoof, Modesty Blaise, which I also watched recently.

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JohnHowardReid

This is one of those "so bad, it's good" movies that you encounter from time to time. Admittedly, it doesn't start 0ff very promisingly, but it gradually gets down - or rather gets off - to business, although the "business" is periodically interrupted by Charles Hawtrey (presumably he was not required on the "Carry On" set that day) and James Robertson Justice (obviously not one to rest on his laurels but willing to pick up any assignment, no matter how trite!) Despite the delightful abundance of feminine flesh, the screenplay doesn't make much sense - indeed some of the scenes - as well as some of the actors - seem to be playing against each other. I watched the movie twice - in case I'd fallen asleep and missed something (I do like to be thorough) - but it still didn't make much in the way of sense. At least I'm not alone. Obviously both the movie's barber and its dress designer did not have a clue either as to which scenes were which and who was wearing what! Available on a very good Salvation DVD. (You heard me!)

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Chrid Mann

This has got to be one of the silliest films I have ever seen. You watch it and you have no idea what it's supposed to be!Here comes an agent into a flat, complete with 1969 all-the-rage white plastic furniture and pod chair. He produces an automatic. This must be an agent film... But wait, he falls down in the kitchen and loses half of his stick-on moustache, so OK, it must be a slapstick agent comedy, but no, now he's playing strip poker with a very hot girl...Ah, there's Charles Hawtrey, acting exactly like in a Carry On film... OK, so this is, what, 'Carry On Space Amazons', er, no, it's not that either.Oh look, James Robertson Justice, what's HE doing in this cheapo movie?To give an indication of just how weird this film is, there's Dawn Adams, and instead of being 'the one in the Bond film who can't act very well', she's 'the one who is the most convincing of all the actors'. Now, get your head round THAT paradox if you can!Some other reviewer mentioned that one scene reminded him of the Avengers, and I had the same thought; there is a definite Avengers vibe at times, and then suddenly, the action and music is pure Benny Hill!No, friends, nothing makes sense in this amateur-hour production!It's not a spy-spoof, it's not a Carry On film, it's not a sci-fi movie, it's not simple sexploitation, I just don't know what to call it. Really, you have to see it for yourself!

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Lubin Odana

Truly one of the WORST films of all time - and worth watching just to spot the numerous narrative holes, terrible acting and risable dialogue.A group of women led by Zeta One live in another dimension - their home is called Angvia (guess what that's an anagram of). They kidnap earth women and spirit them off to Angvia in the back of big truck - I suspect that the big truck IS actually Angvia. It's not understood why they kidnap women or what they do with them when they get to Angvia, which looks like the inside of a lava lamp.Meanwhile, Major Bourden (James Robertson Justice) and his assistant Swyne (Charles Hawtrey) are trying to find out how to get to Angvia, because the women have thwarted their plans several times (it's never adequately explained what their plans are), nor if the Angvians are good or bad - they do kidnap women, but then they appear to be heroines.Meanwhile again, James Word (a kind of low-grade James Bond figure) tells the story of all this in flashback to a pretty blonde. However, James Word has hardly any contact with any of the other characters in the film - you get the impression that all of his scenes were filmed as an after-thought, in order to add some sort of narrative coherence to the storyline - but in fact the reverse happens.There's lots of softcore (female) nudity, chasing and silliness. The special effects ain't that special. It's a complete mess. You MUST see it to believe how bad it is. The best thing about it is the soundtrack, which tries to emulate a kind of sub-Barbarella kistchness at times.

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