Load of rubbish!!

Dreadfully Boring

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

It is not only a funny movie, but it allows a great amount of joy for anyone who watches it.

BENEATH LOCH NESS is an attempt to tell a Scottish-set story when in reality the film was made in California. Just consider that for a moment. Sunny, sun-drenched California, which looks nothing like windy and rainy Scotland. A cast populated by actors attempting to pull of Scottish accents. As you might have guessed, this is laughable stuff indeed, and a complete non-starter of a movie. A pity given that it's the first Loch Ness-themed film I've watched.For a monster flick this is also poor insofar as it contains barely any monster action. Most of the narrative is filled up with petty politics and rivalry and there are just a few murky underwater shots of supposed monster hunting. I suppose the writers should be praised for constructing a character-focused storyline due to the hampered budget, but when the performances are this poor the whole thing feels like a massive time waste.A chunky Patrick Bergin, unrecognisable from earlier in his career, is the stolid hero who fails to lift the interest. An equally bulky Vernon Wells, one of my favourite villainous performers of the 1980s, attempts a halfway-decent Scottish accent and that's about it. It pains me to say it that the worst acting comes from Lysette Anthony whose wooden style of performing is jaw-droppingly bad. It comes as little surprise to see her talents have migrated to TV's HOLLYOAKS in recent years.

Bad movies are always best when the director, writer or *somebody* connected to the production feels they have "something to say", or when the filmmakers believe they're making a better movie than they are. Failing that bad movies can be enjoyable by being either goofy and fun or outrageous and eccentric.This movie, unfortunately, is none of those things. Everyone involved seems to have had a pretty good idea that they were just punching a clock to fill an hour and a half on the sci-fi channel or something. The "best" part is the badly aged (and poorly done even for a decade ago) CGI, but there's not enough of that to salvage it. Don't waste your time on this turkey.

A crack team of scientific researchers try to solve the age-old mystery of Loch Ness. Man, does this hideously tedious clunker reek worse than skanky old tuna: The slack (non)direction by Chuck Comisky (who also co-wrote the excruciatingly dull and talky script) allows the pace to meander at a painfully poky clip, there's no tension or spooky atmosphere to speak of, the stereotypical local yokels sport dodgy Scottish accents, the evocation of Scotland isn't remotely convincing, the murky underwater photography is a major strain on the eyes, the generic shivery score further undermines the inept attempts at suspense, and the lousy (far from) special effects don't even come close to cutting it (the CGI creature in particular is simply pathetic). The hapless cast flounder with the sub-par material: Patrick Bergin contributes an atrociously hammy third-rate Robert Shaw impersonation as the crazed and vengeful Blay, Brian Wimmer makes for an insipid and underwhelming hero as earnest head researcher Case, Lysette Anthony plays bitchy and opportunistic reporter Elizabeth to the obnoxious ninth degree, and Vernon Wells is supremely irritating as the resident toolbag constable. Worse yet, the lame'n'tame PG-13 rating ensures that that there's no graphic gore or tasty gratuitous female nudity to alleviate the numbing severity of the pervasive boredom. Hold your nose if you decide to waste 96 minutes of your precious life on this turkey, because baby does this one seriously stink!

As a Scot, when I saw this film, I was left numbed at how shocking it was and I don't mean that in a good way. This 'film' (and I use that term in the loosest sense of the word) is not only an insult to Scotland but it is embarrassing for the Hollywood producers and actors involved in this project.Aside from the fact the storyline dire and the acting utterly bland, the special effects look as if they were put together by three-year-olds on their nursery school computer . However, the most pathetic point about this film was the fact it clearly was not set anywhere remotely near the UK, let alone Loch Ness. It was bad enough that the cast were mainly Americans (or Americans with bad accents) but the cars drove on the wrong side of the road, the police wore American uniforms and little effort was made to even pretend the American location of this film was supposedly Scotland. Then you had the stereotypical Scots who graced the background every so often; I honestly was waiting for them to shout 'och, aye the noo' then do the Highland fling in their kilt with the haggis dancing by their sides.Take a leaf out of Nessie's book when it comes to 'Beneath Loch Ness' and hide far, far away from it (although Scots may want to see it with the view that it is pure comedy in a 'so bad it's good' way).