Undescribable Perfection

A different way of telling a story

It was OK. I don't see why everyone loves it so much. It wasn't very smart or deep or well-directed.

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

Kull the Conqueror (1997) Starring: Kevin Sorbo, Tia Carrere, Thomas Ian Griffith, Litefoot, Roy Brocksmith, Harvey Fierstein, Karina Lombard, Edward Tudor-Pole, Douglas Henshall, Joe Shaw, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Terry O'Neill, Pat Roach, John Hallam, and Peter Petruna Directed By: John Nicolella Review COURAGE CONQUERS ALL. Epic this was not. The 90s is when sword & Sorcery movies really turned into even major stinkers. This is based on another Robert E. Howard character Kull of Atlantis. It makes sense considering the most financially successful sword/sorcery film was Conan another one of Robert's characters. This I feel bombed because woof. Not to mention before he created Conan he created Kull. This was even suppose to be the third Conan movie. The sword and sorcery genre was even making a comeback but mostly on television with Xena and a Hercules show with Kevin Sorbo as Hercules who would be Kull in this movie. A barbarian named Kull becomes ruler after defeating the old king in battle, thus receiving his crown. But direct heirs of the king, trying to topple Kull and regain the throne, bring an old witch queen Akivasha back to life. Their plan backfires, however, as Akivasha plans to have her demon lords rule the kingdom alone. The only thing that can stop her is the breath of the god Volka, and Kull. The film starts off with text about a demon that's read to you. Apparently the movie thinks we're idiots who can't read. If a movie has text I don't think it should ever be read to you. We cut to Kull battling men in an army to join the ranks of the kingdom. It is given the word that the king was assassinated Kull kills the kings killer and is proclaimed as the new king. The more with move on the more bored I got, it doesn't help that the film has no charisma. Everyone here looks like their bored as hell which made me bored. The action scenes some were okay others were just lame. The special effects and production design are terrible almost as if they were made for a TV movie. The end when you see the demon in its full form is some horrendous CGI. The backdrops look like there green screen in some shots, I bet they were. The direction from John Nicolella is just as awful as the production design. He should have asked for a better script and done a better job at shooting some of the fight scenes. The only decent I can say about this movie is Karina Lombard is one hot woman. Kull the Conqueror is not a great introduction to the character and is another poor adaptation on one of Robert E. Howard's characters much like Red Sonja, only thing is this is even worse. I'm giving Kull The Conqueror a one out of five.

Well I mean he goes around shirtless the entire time. Maybe that's all TPTB thought he was good for, eye candy.This movie was basically Hercules the Legendary Journeys with the name Kull slapped on it. Yeah, but Herc's alright, right? It was a weekly campy TV show. Kull was a movie that was in the theatres that you shell out money for. It should be a tad bit better quality. More than a tad.Sorbo proves his acting range is limited. He doesn't even try to play a different character than Herc. There are no little nuances and characteristics in manner, facial expressions, and delivery. You ever see him in Andromeda? It's the same there. Basically playing Hercules again with a different name slapped on. Can you ever imagine this guy playing a part in Shakespeare? Even just a tiny role? Nope, I can't either.Karen Lombard and Litefoote were the best actors and seemed to take their roles, and their duty to fulfill a good delivery seriously. Everyone else just seemed like they were there for the paycheck. The plot was meh. I guess it was suppose to be the third part in Arnie's Conan movies. I liked the first one. The second was just OK. Kull lacked the mood, and at least Arnie had presence and a fierce expression despite being a non-actor. It's a B movie. What else is there to say. At least you get see Sorbo shirtless most of time. But seriously, to make a movie for the big screen which cost money for people to see, the logic was let's have Sorbo shirtless and it will be good? He's not that special. Not even close. Word.

Back in the 1990s, there was a syndicated TV show called "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys". It starred Kevin Sorbo as the demi-god and followed the light hearted adventures of the son of Zeus as he and various companions wandered through the world of ancient myth, punching evil in the face. The shows blend of action, humor and moral earnestness was so popular it spawned a companion series called "Xena: Warrior Princess". Unfortunately, it also shaped this sub-mediocre entry into the sword-n-sorcery genre.Kull is another creation of Robert E. Howard, the mind behind Conan the Barbarian. Kull is also a barbarian, but one who lands on the throne of the kingdom of Valusia. In Howard's short stories, Kull must defend his land from external enemies and his crown from treasonous nobles. This movie has only the barest of those details in common with Howard's writing, and I'm not sure why they bothered. Kull the Conqueror has very little to do with the spirit or substance of Robert E. Howard. It's basically a more generic and inferior version of Conan the Destroyer, which was itself a huge step down from the original Conan the Barbarian.The first half of the film deals with Kull's (Kevin Sorbo) ascension to the throne and the plotting nobles led by General Taligaro (Thomas Ian Griffith). Kull meets a beautiful fortune teller (Katrina Lombard) and the nobles enlist the help of a wizard (Edward Tudor-Pole) to resurrect an ancient demon queen (Tia Carrera). His enemies seemingly kill Kull, but then he turns up fine and teams up with the fortune teller and her priestly brother (Litefoot) as the story becomes the exact same sort of quest we've seen a jillion times before in these films.The first thing to know about Kull the Conqueror is that is has a cringingly bad hair metal soundtrack. The overblown guitar riffs here make the soundtrack of Ladyhawke seem like the greatest music ever made. The second thing to know about this movie is that all the action and comedy are virtually identical in tone to "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys", except dumber and without much of a moral center. That vacuousness joins hands with a grating sense of modernity in everything the characters do and say to create a doubly anachronistic feeling. This thing comes off like a lame 80s action movie playing dress up. The third thing to know is that Sorbo gives the best performance by far with an indifferent version of the same exact stuff he did as Hercules.All I can say about Kull the Conqueror is that it won't make your eyes bleed. There's nothing here that could even be charitably described as "good", but you won't feel like you completely wasted your time if you watch it.

In the very beginning of the movie, Kull (Hercules) is attempting to join an army, but fails. This is odd, because he seems to be a foreigner since he seems to know nothing of the local culture. Therefore, why would he try to join an army of a country he's never heard of? The King has gone mad and is killing all his sons, and Kull stops him by killing him. The army I already mentioned were all made up of men of royal blood (I.e. the King's relatives) so, since all the Kings direct heirs are dead, there is some confusion as to which one of the soldiers is the rightful heir. It's most likely one of two of the soldiers, and of course they themselves are somewhat bias as to which one it is. However, the King, with his dying breath, decrees that Kull is the next King.And that's the first three minutes of the movie. (Or might have even been the first MINUTE).This is basically a low-budget sword-and-sorcery movie. The culture isn't established enough, Nothing's really explained about Kull's motives other than liking axes and not liking slavery, and basically the whole movie is alright but not great. See this movie if you just wanna see some low-budget sword-and-sorcery, or if you like to watch movies for the purpose of laughing at them. If you like GOOD movies, I suggest Lord of the Rings.