Boring, over-political, tech fuzed mess

A clunky actioner with a handful of cool moments.

Actress is magnificent and exudes a hypnotic screen presence in this affecting drama.

Close shines in drama with strong language, adult themes.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we never get parody films being produced ever again after this. Holy. Mama. Flipping. Spoof. Balls. What a monstrosity. I can't believe I endured it. I've done it guys! I actually watched the whole thing in one sitting. I've evolved as a film critic, and I didn't press B to cancel. Throw anything at me, I'll watch it. Unstoppable. Uncontrollable. Un-flipping-believable. I am...that guy. A family adopt two feral girls and move into a house that is haunted by a mothering ghost. 'Mama' plus 'Paranormal Activity' divided by 'Cabin in the Woods' multiplied by 'Inception' and halved by 'Fifty Shades of Grey' equals one of the worst films I've ever seen. It's not even bad good...it's just plain bad. It started off well with a self-referential scene including Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan, and then it declined to nothingness. I didn't laugh once, heck I didn't even smile. The jokes were horrendous and seemed like they could only appeal to a three year old. Honestly. There were more jokes orientated towards bums then actually anything witty...in fact, there was no wit. It was aimless. Dumb. When was sticking an object up your ass and smelling it funny? When was spontaneously combusting babies humorous? I just can't even comprehend the thought process of this! The lack Anna Faris and Regina Hall was noticeable and was a huge detriment to this fifth instalment. Ashley Tisdale? Really!? Shouldn't she be singing next to a swimming pool in 'High School Musical 2'? Heck, I don't want her on my screen! Snoop Dogg? Usher!? They really were clutching at straws here, sweet lord! I saw better acting in the porn video I watched this morning, and there was no talking in that! Christ! This genre is done. This film has resulted in the decimation of parodies. It's outdated. It's stupid. It's absurdly unfunny. It's just wrong. Scary Movie V is, without a doubt, atrocious. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to chill in the sun with a fresh cold cider and rethink my life...

I'm reading other people's reviews and I can not believe how many of you hate this movie. I think 9 out of 10 people gave 1/10 only because 0/10 does not exist. OK, movie is unbelievable retarded, but what else did you expect?! Darn, this is Scary Movie franchise = bunch of retarded parodies of blockbusters that were kicking through the roof since last Scary Movie. Like all of its prequels this one has shallow and vulgar sense of humor that will sometimes cause you to cry from laughter and sometimes it will kick you in the face with cruel transfer of embarrassment. It can not compare to Wayans movies, but it is definitely better than previous one, Scary Movie 4. So if you want quality subtle humor based on deep thoughts and philosophy skip it, but if you wanna give your head a break and just relax and have some retards make you laugh to their stupidity you are on the right place.5,5/10Movies parodied in SM5, at least those I recognized:Titanic - previous Scary Movies - The Ring - The Cabin in the Woods - The Passion of the Christ - Paranormal Activity - Inception - Black Swan - Mob Wives - Planet of the Apes - Ted - Evil Dead - Mama - 50 Shades of Grey

David Zucker was the man responsible for some of the funniest spoofs of the 1980s - I'm thinking AIRPLANE! and the NAKED GUN trilogy - so it's sad to see how far his gravitas has fallen in working on the fifth instalment of a film series that was rubbish from the outset. The only good thing about SCARY MOVIE 5 is that Anna Faris isn't in it, which has to be a positive. Other than that, it's business as usual, with no story, tons of cameo appearances, and loads of lame, gross-out jokes.This film's opening scene, featuring Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan, is actually the funniest of the entire movie. It's a short spoof of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, and it plays out ridiculously over the top, as you'd expect, but it did make me laugh out loud. Unfortunately the film then shifts to a pair of uninteresting characters and virtually retells the plot of the horror flick MAMA while throwing in lots of other random spoofs along the way.This series has always had a scattershot approach so we get riffs on the likes of DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES, EVIL DEAD, and even BLACK SWAN for random measure. The humour is always stupid and only a small handful of the jokes actually work. I guess with Marlon Wayans being out of the franchise the film-makers had to bring in a black 'street' presence, so we get Snoop Dogg in some random, extraneous sub-plot. Terry Crews, Jerry O'Connell, Mike Tyson, and Heather Locklear have cameos. Overall, I'd recommend changing the channel.

I had lost count of the Scary Movies. I actually thought I'd already seen this one. They're all one big blur with the exception of the first Scary Movie; that was undeniably the best and it went downhill after that. I believe there was a sharp drop after Marlon and Shawn Wayans left the franchise.At any rate, it was on Netflix so I figured there was no loss if I watched it to see if in fact it was one I'd seen already. Well, it wasn't and I did enjoy it. The main spoof was the movie Mama which I have seen so I was able to understand many of the references. Parodies are typically bad so this one was probably above average for a parody. It wasn't too vulgar, the slapstick and physical comedy wasn't too over the top, I got to see both Sheen and Lohan ridicule themselves. Not too bad.