To me, this movie is perfection.

I wanted to but couldn't!

Good movie, but best of all time? Hardly . . .

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

"Was Schulmädchen verschweigen" or "Secrets of Sweet Sixteen" or "What Schoolgirls Don't Tell" is a West German film from the year 1973, so this one is over 40 years old already and it is an unofficial addition to the famous German Schulmädchen series. It came out around the same time as the fifth film and the title already says that this one is apparently even more controversial than the other films as it shows us stuff that not even school girls like to talk about. This includes many controversial aspects, such as pedophilia, rape, satanic orgies and more. If you know a bit about director Ernst Hofbauer and these Schulmädchen films, then you will know that he tries to make it look shocking and yet educational all the time, but it completely fails from that perspective. The acting and writing, especially the latter, are so bad that I just cannot take this seriously as something other than soft-core porn. And lets be honest. You have to be really really horny to see something in this film in terms of being turned on. Speaking about the plot again, let me give you one example from very early on. A pedophile lures a young girl into his home. Two young women watch this and they go to his place and strip naked to get his attention away from the girl until the police arrives (that they called earlier). The man is seen unconscious the moment police officers enter his apartments and the girls are completely naked. Oh well... I guess this says it all. I was glad this film ended after 75 minutes already. Highly not recommended, it's a mess

Secrets of Sweet Sixteen (1973)** 1/2 (out of 4) Another entry in Germany's long running "report" series, which director Hofbauer was an expert at since he was behind the camera on this as well as countless others in the SCHOOLGIRL REPORT series. I'm really not sure why this one here wasn't in the SCHOOLGIRL REPORT series as this here contains the basic premise. Here we get several "stories" about teens and the troubles they can get into. One deals with a daughter learning of her mother's lover and going to meet him for herself. We have a nerdy boy afraid to have sex so his friend hooks him up with a beautiful girl (Christina Lindberg). Next up is a strange one where a post master believes his delivery man wants his daughter. The final story deals with a group of Satan worshipers needing a virgin for their sect but not being able to find one. If you're a fan of these German sex comedies then I'm sure you'll enjoy this one. It's not quite as good as the entries in the SCHOOLGIRL REPORT series that I've seen but it's certainly better than many others out there. I think the best story is probably the first one as it contains some pretty goofy sequence including constant flashbacks to a women's club where they are trying to lose weight and taking mud baths to stay young. Whatever this had to do with the actual story is beyond me but it does give us a few laughs. The weakest story is probably the one dealing with the dorky guy because there are so many opportunities for laughs but the film never really goes for them. Fans of Lindberg, myself included, will still enjoy the episode just for her. The film gets off to a pretty tasteless start as a pedophile lures a kid away from a school only to be "hypnotized" by a couple girls who hold him until the police arrive. I'm really not sure why this was put in the film but it probably should have been cut (even though this production comedy and director would make a film called 14 AND UNDER).

Healthy dollops of Bavarian cheesecake from sleazemeister Hofbauer, who practically invented the Schulmadchen (`Sex Report') film in the late 60s. Sex Reports were a staple of grindhouse fare for those requiring their cheesy entertainment disguised as a documentary, framing the softcore shenanigans with a stern moral lesson from a social worker, psychiatrist or other authority figure (I'm still trying to track down Hofbauer's hilariously misguided Girls At The Gynecologist). Secrets... is a product of a more liberal era than the early Sex Reports and tones down the moralizing, though keeps in a running debate between a doctor and a priest. The vignettes range from comic to the bizarre (virgin sacrifice) to the outright repellent (an early episode involving a child molester). Schizo and very strange.

Fans of this genre (i.e. 70s European soft-core/nudie stuff) will be happy with this film. Although it begins with an uncharacteristically disturbing (attempted) rape scene, it recovers nicely as two of the heroines dis-robe to keep the bad guy occupied until the police arrive. After that, it's fun & games. A lot of nudity as you would hope and expect, the film is a series of erotic encounters with young and beautiful women (who are DEFINITELY and safely over the age of eighteen, so ignore the title). The particular copy I saw was from a video store and had some obvious edits during a few of the predictable scenes, probably to keep it within an "R" rating for U.S. audiences. Anyways, if you enjoyed those 70s naughty B-features at the drive-in and you happen to come across a copy of this film, it's worth a look.