Too much of everything

SERIOUSLY. This is what the crap Hollywood still puts out?

A film of deceptively outspoken contemporary relevance, this is cinema at its most alert, alarming and alive.

This is a dark and sometimes deeply uncomfortable drama

Okay, so it's basically a Japanese rip-off of Robocop with gore and weird Asian Extreme sentiments. It has a scene highly reminiscent of The Brain that Wouldn't Die and a plot line that can be seen in anything from Killing Machine to Machine Girl and all kinds of movies that have happened before and since. Yet still I dare you to watch this movie and say, "Yeah, I've seen it all before." Won't happen; Miike's too playful and too willing to go "there", "there" being just as far as you didn't think anyone would go before.So, simple plot synopsis: this guy Hagane is in the Yakuza, only he's an impotent fool and a coward and is only in his family because he greatly admires his "Brother" Tosa. But when Tosa gets gunned down and Our Intrepid Hero catches a few bullets in the process, a self-proclaimed Mad Scientist appears out of nowhere to recraft him out of metal, spare bits, and the heart, genitals, and tattoo of his hero. Fully equipped (on more levels than one), it's time for Hagane to wreck vengeance. And stuff.There are some pretty amusing scenes here. For the most part, this movie is kind of wonderful because it's a playful and action-filled male wish-fulfillment. He's nearly invincible, he gets to destroy stuff easily, and he gets a bigger penis. Of course, Miike isn't satisfied with only one emotion, and scenes range from hilarious to sentimental to disturbing, switching gears on a whim and always allowing an opportunity for silly facial expressions (the acting in this movie is great, by the way. Japanese actors have this wonderful way of stretching their faces).Funnily enough, the tone of Full Metal Yakuza fits closer to Zebraman than most of Miike's other work. Ultimately, it's playful and escapist by nature, which is not honestly what he does all that much. But whereas Zebraman can sort of kind of almost maybe be considered a children's movie (except for its strangeness and a couple sordid scenes), this is closer to Heavy Metal type escapism, fully adult entertainment and yet full of boyhood passion.--PolarisDiB

I love Miike films so I was a tad shocked after watching this one. It still bears his trade mark arterial spray shots and the WTF ending but other than that it's more like something you would find along side the likes of Robot Jocks or Dollman from Full Koon films. I recommend this flick to fans of the Guyver films more than I would fans of Audition or Visitor Q (even tho I love both of those films). I was intrigued the entire film laughing, cheering, booing, so I have no idea why everyone trashes on this movie so much (it's even a tad cerebral at times!). So bottom line from me is: Don't watch this flick expecting anything in particular except for an Ultra-Man-esquire splatter film and you'll find a surprising masterpiece.

This would appear to be one of them. If you're a Miike completist, and you simply must see this, try the DVD. That way you can learn to love the blessed ff button. It's cheap and cheesy gore, and I have no complaints about that, but the script appears to have been written by a drunk zombie. Truly it sucks. The interview with Miike on the Arts Magic DVD pretty much explains how and why gonzo trash like this got made, but it doesn't really redeem the 75% of this movie which is just ham awful. It would make a great manga, but the translation to live action only serves to emphasise the lameness of the Franken-san "plot". It clunks, but as a contrast to the beautifully scripted and acted films he's made since, it just about bears watching. Try to borrow or steal a copy of the DVD. That way you won't feel ripped off.

Seriously, its worthy of a Something Awful or iMockery skewering. I can only assume that this movie was supposed to be a black comedy, made to seem cheesy on purpose ala Troma. However this just ended up being bad. Not like a 'so bad its good' kind of bad. More like a 'Please God, make this movie stop' kind of bad. I mean I 'got' what Miike was trying to do. This was supposed to be some unholy combination of a yakuza film and the imagery of a kitschy Japanese 70's beat-em-up serial. Complete with bad costumes, writing and sound effects. This train wreck of a movie finally hits rock bottom in the final moment, which MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. I mean as horrible as the rest of the movie is you can understand what is going on. Then they drop that one on you and the film ends with you wanting to kill someone.