Strong and Moving!

Sorry, this movie sucks

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

The film makes a home in your brain and the only cure is to see it again.

This is a "comedy" that pairs two of the funniest, fieriest Jewish comedians alive. It is about a bickering married couple that works out all their marital problems during a trip to the mall. Sounds great! Get to work. Wait. What is this? This is crap! Fix it! What? You can't? You already filmed it with a second-rate crew in just the past couple of days? What the hell is wrong with you?!I can understand it if Paul Mazursky wasn't as successful as one would think with this film because he didn't want to make the screwball comedy that everyone would expect, but what is so pathetic about this is that there are many moments where the film truly does believe it is being funny, such as the scenes with the irritating mime.Like most modern marriages, after about half an hour you might really want to reconsider your vows with this film, because although it starts blandly enough, you still feel that you can expect the laughs to start piling up, but they never ever do. Not once. Bette and Woody aren't even very good. What do they have with which to work? They can't spark off of one another in spite of generally giving as much as they can to these two-dimensional characters.Overall, this is quite an unnecessary film, a contrived effort to cash in, but with no juices at all except the anticipation of having Bette and Woody in the same film. It's almost unbelievable how bad it is. I understand if one does not trust the almost unanimous bashing this film gets until one actually sees it, because I am guilty of this. Woody Allen, as a writer and director, has never made a bad film. Even his worst film is twice as good if not more than this waste of talent.

Some films make the viewer a participant. Others make the viewer, well, a viewer. Others make the viewer a voyeur. SCENES FROM A MALL makes the viewer a third wheel. A very uncomfortable position to be in.Like in real life, the third wheel is the poor schmuck who innocently accompanies a couple on a date or dinner or whatever and often ends up being less a companion than a witness, or worse, a referee, when a lovers' spat breaks out. In such a situation, all one can do is to keep looking at one's watch, pretend that there is nothing wrong and, above all else, don't get involved.When it was announced that SCENES FROM A MALL would pair Bette Midler and Woody Allen together as a bickering couple who spend the day at the mall, I couldn't help but smile. Bette and Woody married, what a great idea. They both seem so different, yet so perfect together. And to their credit, they do have great chemistry here. They click. And they are certainly convincing as a couple with a whole boat load of marital issues. Maybe too convincing. What could have been an amusing thread of a story if interwoven into a larger tapestry becomes instead a tiresome ordeal. Woody and Bette argue and bicker and insult and break up and kiss and make up and argue and bicker and insult some more. Their day-long excursion to the mall to do Christmas shopping becomes an extended primal therapy session. Despite the best efforts of the two stars, what begins as an amusing domestic comedy rapidly become just plain annoying. The fault lies with writer/director Paul Mazursky, whose films -- good, bad or indifferent -- seldom have a strong focus and tend to ramble shamelessly. It is a style of film-making that, in theory, tries to represent realism, but in practice it violates the conventions of what we accept as film reality -- reelity, so to speak. Mazursky's films always tend to look and feel like rehearsals, not a finished production.This film has it assets. Woody and Bette, of course. And the recreation of a California mall, mostly filmed on a New York soundstage is quite convincing (though how many malls feature ballroom dancing?). SCENES FROM A MALL looks right and is acted just right, but in the end, this trip to the mall wears you out, leaving you just wanting to go home.

Someone from Hollywood with a sympathetic heart should gather up all the prints of "Scenes from a Mall" and take a match to them. It would be an act of generosity. This comedy from Paul Mazursky is pretty much an appalling waste of film, and a waste of time for stars Woody Allen and Bette Midler. Allen and Midler play a California married couple 'celebrating' their 16 years together as husband and wife; they share a scene near the beginning in the bathtub, and see if you squirm through it as much as I did. I laughed one time during this atrocious fiasco (where Bette buys a new dress and Woody tells her she looks like his aunt). Otherwise, it's a claustrophobic drag with seemingly no script to fall back on. Everyone is winging it--badly. NO STARS from ****

Like a stale marriage, after about half an hour you might feel like retaking your vows with this one, because although it starts well enough, the fire soon dies down. The two leads are great, sparking off each other and generally giving all they've got to these two-dimensional characters. But there's only so many one-liners you can take before you realise that there isn't actually anything happening. It's an interesting idea, and worth a look, but with the credentials of those involved you'd expect to get more for your money.