just watch it!

An absolute waste of money

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

A very lousy cast (Meyers, Argento, Harris, Everett) are very miscast in a mostly crappy and very pointless film. But none is more miscast than Asia, though. Argento plays one of those dangerous criminal goyls that only exist in the minds of movie-writers: she's rough and tough -IF you'll believe it. To make her (even) tougher they made her say "f***" about a hundred times, yet every time she said the word it was as funny and fresh as the first time. Fortunately, she takes her clothes off nearly as often as she says "f***", and she does look good in the nude. Harris is his usual ugly, uncharismatic, untalented self, so the fact that he's miscast is a mere irrelevancy; although the fact that he plays an impotent man does have a ring of truth about it. This nepotistic thespian shouldn't B. in movies, period. Everett lacks credibility and overplays his "cool cat" routine too often.The movie is absurd, has some rather "duh" dialog, and the only things going for it are its nice visual quality, the fact that it isn't too boring, and, of course Asia's nudity. With a cast like this, it would have been naive to expect a better movie.If you want a complete listing of Hollywood's nepotist actors and actresses, with pictures and explanations, e-mail me. Or you can go to http://rateyourmusic.com/~Fedor8 and check out my "TV & Cinema: 150 Worst Cases Of Nepotism" list.

Alan Furnace is a school teacher who's only joy in life is his late-night slot on hospital radio where he can play the light jazz he loves so much. Seeking more excitement in his life, he takes an interest in a collection of people in a local pub who the barman describes as "criminals". Despite this Alan approaches the woman of the group – the sexy and charming Beatrice, but is surprised when she responds to his advances. As he gets to know her, he uncovers a damaged soul with a murky past and dark present that perhaps he would be keep out of; however, as much as he is put off he is drawn in and soon finds himself involved deeper than he had ever planned.I'll be honest and say that I was only drawn to this film by the strange title; other than that I had no idea what it was about but decided to give it a stab anyway. However the film seems to be aiming for a mood rather than a narrative and, as a result, this film is more about the tone and feel and thus it fails to really engage because the story isn't there. Well, there is a story but it comes second to the mood and it isn't well developed, is full of illogical holes that just don't convince and feels like a mishmash of other films' ideas. It is interesting at points but ultimately it doesn't work. The film tries to be seedy and introspective, using smoky rooms, jazz and crime as motivators and the "normal guy" as our way in, but even this doesn't totally work and elements of it failing make it feel like it has all been forced from the start – certainly the choice of the jazz music is way off.However, as the title suggests, the film is more about Beatrice than the other characters and, as such, it is interesting enough even if she isn't as well developed a character as a "character driven film" would usually require. The performance from Argento is good and she has a real sexy presence that is more than just her taking her clothes off for the cameras – it is an aspect of her character that the film uses well. Harris is every bit as bland as the music he plays and he is the reason why I never bought the main relationship once – OK, she's after a "nice guy" but would she go for someone so very bland? The rest of the cast are colourful enough and do OK work with very basic material; Rhys-Meyers is good, Everett does his usual lazy, bi-sexual performance, Hart has a small role and the rest are just basic "East End thug" sorts.Overall this is a film to watch for the sexy, dark presence of Argento and that alone. Outside of her, the narrative is pretty weak and never really convinced me or involved me; the dramatic fireworks come and go without really doing much and by the end I was pretty bored by the whole affair. Argento and some of the support cast make it worth a go but, like Harris and his type of jazz music, this film is consistently bland and uninteresting.

Saw this on cable the other night - a very stylish and energetic little film, with fine central performances from Asia Argente, the always-great Jared Harris and Rupert Everett (who broods like no other). Catch this Monkey if you can.

The first time I saw "B. Monkey" (at the Ghent Film Festival in 1998), I was amazed at how many people had come to see this action movie starring Asia Argento. Of course it wasn't because of Asia's charismatic performances this movie was so popular, but because it was the latest film by Michael Radford, director of "Il Postino" (together with "Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulin" the longest running movie in the last ten years - well, in Antwerp anyway). From "Il Postino" to "B. Monkey" was a weird step and perhaps one of the reasons why "B. Monkey" gets so many negative reviews.I'm well aware that this movie is a male-oriented vision of escapism, but when the result is a movie like this, one wants to take a lot for granted."B. Monkey" was based on a novel by Andrew Davies who has been writing since the late 60s and has penned many scripts for well-known productions such as the script for the "Bridget Jones Diary" and the lesbian BBC drama "Tipping The Velvet". He knows how to tell a story and perhaps this is why, in my opinion, "B. Monkey" is so much better than the usual drama where a delinquent girl meets an honest man and decides to better her life (genders may be changed here). Even though you can predict the big lines of the story, you're still surprised at certain plot changes.Alan (Wayne Wang favourite Jarid Harris) and Beatrice (Asia 'daughter of Argento) couldn't be further apart: she's a bank-robbing criminal, he teaches poor kids and has a jazz show on hospital radio. Once again something that makes you realize that this movie walks a thin line between good cinema and a third-rate tv's movie of the week. Believable acting by Harris, Argento and, not to forget, Rupert Everett helps the movie to stay on the right part of that thin line.